Thursday, November 13, 2008

If you don't "Digg" this blog, I will "follow" (stalk) you like John Hinckley "followed" (stalked) Jodi Foster...

You read my blog. Maybe not on purpose. Maybe due to sheer pity at the flimsy association I may/may not have with you. Maybe you read my blog because you sort-of remember my name and the link I sent you read "Free Porn featuring Miley Cyrus...and Chubaka."

Chubaka

Regardless of how I convinced/misled you to read this blog, the fact of the matter is that you have, and by virtue of reading this sentence, your computer has already been infected with a virus permanently making my blog your homepage...and also, everytime you type the words "the, an, a, it, Amy Winehouse" they will automatically be replaced by a link to THIS (NSFW). Now here's a video which should sum up your expected reaction to the link.

If that doesn't do it for you, then I apologize for what I am about to say: I did not like the Godfather.  Aside from this blatant use of Family Guy to fill up what is obviously a lack of material on my part, I seriously will stalk your asses. I will record your I.P. Address and from that get your Home Address, your P.O. Box and even, possibly,  YOUR MIND!!! But, honestly, I will stalk your ass like futuristic, time-travelling robots stalk John Conner and Linda Hamilton.

Now, in case any of you are too young or uncultured to understand the title of my blog entry, let me try to explain it for your walnut-sized brains. John Hinckley was the man behind the assassination attempt of Ronald Reagan.  Yes, someone actually DID shoot and injure Reagan, though I suppose you were too busy staring at the spotted cleavage of a 60-year-old Civics teacher and wondering what all those strange feelings (in your pants) were about to notice.

Oh baby
Oh, Junior High Civics teacher, how you Vex me...


But there is more to John Hinckley than just shooting Reagan. He also stalked Jodi Foster, and I don't mean adult, "Contact," Jodi Foster, I mean 12-year-old, "Taxi Driver" Jodi Foster, though by the time he began stalking her she was already in college. To prove he wasn't just another, run of the mill, hide in the bushes while masturbating kind of stalker, he began taking classes at Harvard, specifically classes that Jodi Foster was also taking. 

Though this appears to be the most reasonable way to woo a celebrity without appearing like a total shit-eating nut-job (TSENJ), Hinckley proved not only that he was too much a total shit-eating nut-job to make the plan work but that Harvard has no problem allowing total shit-eating nut-jobs into their university just as long as they don't officially enroll (for all those TSENJ's out there, here's how even you can attend Harvard [during the summer, anyway]).

Not convinced of his insanity? Aside from his trial, where he successfully argued an insanity plea, here's the letter he sent to Ms. Foster right before the assassination attempt. What beautiful poetry, if by poetry I mean a pathetic expression of infatuation for an actress which began with her role as a 12-year-old prostitute. Oh yeah, that's romantic...child prostitutes...


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Static said...

Hahaha, "Chubaka." LOL

Nice job, Julio (and spammers!) We really ought to kill these "buy this, buy that" Chubaka-lovin' fuckers with fire.

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