Sunday, November 23, 2008

Dinosaurs, Jesus and YOU!!!

Photobucket THAT'S what happened. Oh Natural Selection, how foolish do you
feel NOW?!?!

Okay, so here's the scoop:

There's this guy who wants to attend Seminary school to become a "pastor," so he started an online funraiser. Given the context, as well as my lack of knowledge on religious matters, I will henceforth assume that "Seminary school" involves, at some point, the study of male reproductive fluids, and "pastor" referrs to some sort of combination betwen an adhesive paste (hence the root "past") and canivorous dinosaurs ("Volosaraptor" supply the "or") ...PLUS something to do with the Christian religion. Logically, the outcome looks something like this:

Now I understand why Christians called their God an "Awesome God."
Anyone who lives amongst the dinosaurs is NOT to be messed with!

Now, I understand that, thusfar, this blog entry must not only be offensive to the proespective dinosaur-glue producer, but to every single individual who regularly reads his blog. In fact, the chances that he will comply with his promise to "backlink" me on his site are next to none. However, I just googled the "Bible," and a bunch of sites came up talking about "honesty" and "keeping a promise," and "Shellfish is an abomination!" Since this is not pornography, but rather, a satirical spin on the extremes that exist within our society, I have faith that this future pastor will backlink my blog, no matter how painful it may be to read for anyone who accesses my blog from said link. In closing, here are a few important statistics:

-Chances of this guy actually reading this far into the blog: 3%

-Chances of anyone who comes here through the backlink will, after vomiting and experiencing EXTREME diarrhea, recommend the site, let alone re-visit it: 0.05%

-Chances that the wrath of God will fall upon me for my general disdain and lack of understanding of religion: 100% for Catholics, 0% for Athiests and [some percentage between 0 and 100...and stop asking me, will ya? Seriously, leave me alone or I will call the Police] for Agnostics.


stefanie said...

you are crazy!

Jeremy Newton said...

Yep I read through the whole post, it was interesting to read and see what you thought,

I'm working on putting up your linkback I have had a busy morning but will get it up asap.

~ Jeremy Newton

~Static~ said...

I like to huff dinosaur-glue.

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