Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Proof of the existence of Dr. Grumbles, the Talking-Fish God

Seen here after receiving his JD in Copyright Law

This blog, believe it or not, is not my first internet "project." I know; this blog is so terribly put together that it is difficult to believe that I have had any prior experience whatsoever. The fact that I have even used a computer before creating "Project Julio" seems like a spectacular idea. But it's true. Here it is:

I know what you're thinking: "What the hell is this website about?" Unfortunately, this is a question between you and God, because I don't have a fucking clue. As far as I can tell, it's about the "Talking-Fish-God" named "Doctor Grumbles." I created him LIKE A YEAR BEFORE THE FLYING SPATHETTI MONSTER, you know, that son-of-a-bitch who stole my entire idea and now makes thousands of dollars due to his internet fame. Anyway, I was a Freshman in college (still am), and a complete and utter moron (still am), so I had no idea my tomfoolerly involving talking invertebrates actually had a basis in reality. Yes, I said it: TALKING FISH REALLY DO EXIST.

Okay, so the people involved in the story were crazy Jewish fish-cutters. It's not like anyone of high esteem, say, the LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD, would agree with such a ridiculous contention as "talking-fish..."

This is actually the least-ridiculous thing he's ever said...

Okay, so maybe Lame-Duck President Bush isn't exactly the most qualified person on this subject, as well as any other subject for that matter, including but not limited to: Pretzels, Foreign Policy, the English Language, public speaking and history (which he acquired a degree in at Yale and immediately thereafter negated his entire education through coke-enduced amnesia).

Sorry, but that's really all the evidence I have been capable to produce. It seems that a talking-fish-God isn't exactly the most common way to manifest a diety...or is it?

Dagon, the fish god, apparently practicing some sort of fish-karate.

Then, there's this article with over 30 citations regarding historic fish-god's and their relationship with Jesus Christ. And by relationship, of course, I mean that Jesus Christ IS a fish-god, or rather a fish-god was used as a skeleton to which a Jesus-like material was placed over it to create a more relatable figure (you know, things like lungs, legs and human genetalia). If you aren't convinced yet, how about the SUBLIMINAL YET UBIQUITOUS USE OF DAGON THE FISH GOD IN OUR CULTURE?!?! Here's the proof:

Video courtesy of the truth and the light. Best clips: 3:00 relates the Jesus fish to a vagina. Also look for Dagon's relationship with Starbucks.

I know all you elite, liberal, "examine the credibility of the evidence provided" naysaysers will try to call "the truth and the light" a group of right-wing, fundamentalist Christian, conspiracy theorists. Although you would be completely correct in that assumption, because I have a weakness for conspiracy theories due to both their simplification of complex social issues and the sheer entertainment value of these crazy conspiracies, ranging form the popular existence of "the New World Order/Illuminati " to the not-so-popular/batshit-crazy "government cameras hidden inside those new digital cable boxes which will replace antennas."

The government is spying on us, apparently because it is
well known that Terrorists usually plan their attacks
while watching re-runs of "The View," or masturbating to "The View."

That's all for now. But soon the entire world will know of...DOCTOR GRUMBLES, the Talking-Fish-God!!!!

1 comment:

~Static~ said...

This is quite possibly the best blog and blog article in the history of mankind!!!!

[I am Pope Static and I approve of this message..because I outta know]

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