Friday, September 21, 2012

Clint Eastwood...the day AFTER the Last Supper

I know what you must be thinking, and yes, Clint Eastwood is over 2,000 years old. I don't know which one of these geezers in the painting is Mr. Eastwood, but my bet is that he's still in the bathroom having a conversation with the hole in the ground everyone shits in.

The day after the supper, however, is what made the 12 apostles revoke his "apostle" status and instead refer to him as simply, "a homeless." Thus began the most painful 30 minutes in lost Biblical history


You know, Jesus, I...first, I gotta say, what is up with that hair man? You look like a homeless --- I know you're actually homeless, but don't interrupt me. That's just rude. You should know, "Mr. Golden Rule." Can you believe this guy? Anyway, I...what? You want some water? SOMEBODY GIVE JESUS A GODDAMN GLASS OF WATER! HE JUST DIED FOR GOD'S SAKE!

As I was saying...Jesus, what was up with the whole cross fiasco? No lightning, no raining fire down to smite your foes, no nothing! All you did was complain about the state of mankind, and how you had nails in your hand, and how you thought if you could stop one thing from happening in the future, it would be BET. 

What, you're leaving? In the middle of my speech? Can you believe this guy? He asked for water and he didn't even drink it! What's that? Well go fuck yourself too, ya damn dirty ape!


Thursday, September 20, 2012

Offensive Portrayal of Muhammad! A "Must See" for Angry Muslims!

If you read this blog, you know that I have a deep-seated desire to cause outrage and violence across the Muslim world by portraying the Prophet Muhammad in various inappropriate circumstances. Given the rise in popularity of such acts, I have decided to showcase Project Julio's most memorable, sacrilegious portrayals of the Prophet Muhammad (now in COLOR)!

First off, is a Project Julio classic of the Prophet Muhammad stealing an expensive book by sneakily placing it within his robes:

If a prophet steals a book in the woods...
And how could we forget this one of the Prophet Muhammad transforming a woman into a horse and then conjuring flaming demons to force alcohol down the throats of hobos!

Is it hot in here, or is it just that we're all engulfed in flames?

And finally, here's the Prophet Muhammad after eating a very spicy chili pepper!

Muhammad Ali6 Muhammad Ali’s Ten Greatest Quotes
This pepper is HOTTER THAN A GIRAFFE IN HEAT! Keyoooow!

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