Friday, September 21, 2012

Clint Eastwood...the day AFTER the Last Supper

I know what you must be thinking, and yes, Clint Eastwood is over 2,000 years old. I don't know which one of these geezers in the painting is Mr. Eastwood, but my bet is that he's still in the bathroom having a conversation with the hole in the ground everyone shits in.

The day after the supper, however, is what made the 12 apostles revoke his "apostle" status and instead refer to him as simply, "a homeless." Thus began the most painful 30 minutes in lost Biblical history


You know, Jesus, I...first, I gotta say, what is up with that hair man? You look like a homeless --- I know you're actually homeless, but don't interrupt me. That's just rude. You should know, "Mr. Golden Rule." Can you believe this guy? Anyway, I...what? You want some water? SOMEBODY GIVE JESUS A GODDAMN GLASS OF WATER! HE JUST DIED FOR GOD'S SAKE!

As I was saying...Jesus, what was up with the whole cross fiasco? No lightning, no raining fire down to smite your foes, no nothing! All you did was complain about the state of mankind, and how you had nails in your hand, and how you thought if you could stop one thing from happening in the future, it would be BET. 

What, you're leaving? In the middle of my speech? Can you believe this guy? He asked for water and he didn't even drink it! What's that? Well go fuck yourself too, ya damn dirty ape!


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