Thursday, September 3, 2009

Figures of Speech as Inspired by Hobos Part I

"Une Hobo," source of my inspiration (as well as my anal warts)!
According to Wikipedia, a "figure of speech" is defined as "a use of a word that diverges from its normal meaning, or a phrase with a specialized meaning not based on the literal meaning of the words in it such as a metaphor, simile, or personification." As you can cleary see in the list below, there are nearly 100 such twists of language, and believe it or not, these are the building blocks of humor as we know it. They are broken up into two categories: Schemes and Tropes. For the sake of entertainment, I will demonstrate each of these with the focus being on hobos.

The overall goal of this project is to increase public awareness that comedy is in fact an art form. Perhaps if they themselves can produce and understand comedic material, comedians such as ourselves won't have to watch cliched sit-coms or listen to the average person's pathetic attempts at conversational improvisation.

§ alliteration: A series of words that begin with the same letter or sound alike
Hidden hobos housed in huts hurriedly hustle to help hydrogenous homosexuals hide their HIV.

§ anacoluthon: A change in the syntax within a sentence
Hobos, though filthy and dumb creatures --- are they not of much amusement to us in their drunken and/or crack-cocaine fueled stupor?

§ anadiplosis: Repetition of a word at the end of a clause at the beginning of another
Homelessness leads to desperation, desperation leads to crime and crime leads back to home. Though that home may be a prison, prisons provide warmth and sustenance whereas sidewalks do not.

§ anaphora: The repetition of the same word or group of words at the beginning of successive clauses
A hobo might smell (badly)
A hobo might light (a cigarette)
A hobo might smell (another hobo)
A hobo might fight (another hobo)
A hobo might sleep (on the sidewalk)
A hobo might write (on a cardboard box)
A hobo might weep (on the sidewalk)
A hobo might right (the wrongs)
A hobo might, tonight,
sleep upright.

§ anastrophe: Inversion of the usual word order
Yoda: Smells of urine, hobos do.

§ anticlimax: the arrangement of words in order of decreasing importance
Hobos provide city streets with character, personality and, least of all, public displays of nudity, urination and, least of all, bat-shit insanity.

§ antimetabole: Repetition of words in successive clauses, in reverse order
When a hobo bites, and then defecates upon, a man, that is not news; however, when a man bites, and then defecates upon, a hobo, that IS news.

§ antithesis: The juxtaposition of opposing or contrasting ideas
If the homeless are hobos, does that make homeowners homos?

§ aphorismus: statement that calls into question the definition of a word
If the homeless are hobos, does that make homeowners homos?

§ aposiopesis: Breaking off or pausing speech for dramatic or emotional effect
Is he doing what I think he’s…yup. That hobo just peed on the cure to Cancer.

§ apostrophe: Directing the attention away from the audience and to a personified abstraction
Dear hobos! I would, were you not untrustworthy carriers of disease, happily invite you into my home and listen to your eccentric stories of sporadic travel and street dwelling!

§ apposition: The placing of two elements side by side, in which the second defines the first
Hobos, those traveling salesmen of charity, provide a positive boost of self-esteem to all those (of higher status) that they encounter!

§ assonance: The repetition of vowel sounds, most commonly within a short passage of verse
Old, ordinary hobos obtain kudos from over-obsessed observers and enthusiasts of the obsolescent pastime of hobo-ing.

*Julio's note: That's all for now, but don't worry --- part II of "Figures of Speech as Inspired by Hobos" will continue tomorrow! (to view the entire list of Figures of Speech, click here)


Skrib said...

Static recently called me a hobosexual. Do you or will you have a definition as well as an example of its use in the form of a sentence soon?

Julio said...

Definition: Hobosexual - the feeling (inside) that you are a homeless vagrant trapped inside a middle-class college student's body. Suffice to say, uncontrollable attraction to hobos is the most characteristic and prominent symptom. Other side-effects include: testicle unification (due to the combination of STD's acquired from unprotected hobo-sex); penis rot (see Testical Unification); anal hemorrhaging and/or rash (from lack of bathing); unusual hair growth (including hair on eye-balls, between fingers/toes, and INSIDE ass-hole); tooth decomposition and increased gum area (due to removal of teeth during a horrible Meth-trip).

Sentence: (TBA, i.e., to be included in part II)

Dr. Julio Grumbles

Kate said...

I am deeply offended by your post. I am a hobo!

Where is my thanks for providing you with hours of sidewalk entertainment?

Anonymous said...

(throws a few pennies at Kate)

Don't spend em all in one place!

Julio said...
(o) (o)

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