Thursday, August 27, 2009

Ted Kennedy: Dead or Alive?

Hahaha! Everyone thinks I"m dead...lawl!!!

"Sen. Ted Kennedy (D) died Tuesday of brain cancer" is something that a liberal newspaper, website or radio station might have you believe. Popular website "Dead or Alive," which keeps track of famous deaths, has, through no fault of its own, fallen for this liberal rouse and listed Ted Kennedy as deceased. The objective of this post is to convince you, the reader, that Sen. Ted Kennedy is not only alive and well, but also behind the Socialist conspiracy of the Obama administration and government run euthanasia.

Exhibit A: Where is the Original Death Cirtificate?

How do we know that Ted Kennedy is dead if we don't have a Death Cirtificate? What has been released by the Kennedy campaign is a "Cirtificate of Live Death." This is the same thing that his brother, John Kennedy, supplied after his "assassination" 40 years ago, and as we all know, the CIA exiled him to Cuba. What I have found on the internet is Kennedy's REAL Death Cirtificate...his KENYAN Death Cirtificate. Because we now know for a fact that Kennedy died in Kenya, it only follows that Kenney is ineligible for the position of President of the Ghost-United States of America (GUSA).

Exhibit B: Ted Kennedy is not a Citizen of the Ghost-United States of America (GUSA)

Sources in the afterworld have revealed to me, after hours of intensive mediTation/mediCation, that Ted Kennedy arrived in the Kenyan entrance of Heaven, referred to as the "Pewter Gates" due to a shortage of gold. He later entered the GUSA embasy and was transported via cloud-car to the Continental GUSA. My sources in the socialist GUSA have also informed me that Kennedy has already been appointed to the GUSA Senate and has drafted legislation that includes Government run "life-panels".

Exhibit C: If Ted Kennedy is a member of the GUSA Senate, doesn't that mean he's dead?

Yes. But the definition of intelligence is the ability to hold two contardictory beliefs without discomfort. Being an intelligent fellow, it follows that Ted Kennedy is BOTH dead AND alive. The liberal media, however, would like you to think that contradictions are wrong, but in fact they are a normal part of U.S. politics. Don't believe me? Just see for yourself:

Washington D.C. No, seriously, this is the capital of the USA. I bet you thought
this was Africa. You were WRONG

He sure looks hungry...Yup, go ahead, have ANOTHER're starving, aren't you?
HEY FATASS, STOP EATING ALL THOSE FLIES...we own those flies. You work for us, now

Photobucket our troops...unless they come back crazy. Then FUCK 'EM!


Tricia said...

I'm Canadian, and I am always surprised when I see photographs of cities and towns in America. I am often surprised because they look like they are 2nd or 3rd world countries. Like the first photo you showed. Very funny!

Julio said...

Finally. Someone who "gets it." ~Static~ gets it. You, Tricia, get it. We just have to wait for everyone else to catch up intellectually and/or acquire the maturity to make jokes about uncomfortable subjects that they try to make themselves believe don't exist. OR I'm just a fucking stupid moron. Whichever floats your boat/arc/Kansas Public School Text Book (KPSTB) (answer: Kansas Public School Text Books (KPSTB's) DON'T float; that would be heathenistic and sacreligious, as it is well known that witches and their literature float very easily. As a result, all KPSTB's are made up of 50% lead! Hooraaay for Kanses!)

~Static~ said...

I'm sorry...I don't get it.

Maybe it was all the typographical errors or the contradictions, or perhaps it is the chicanery and magic the US govt used on me, they got me under their spell man!

The Kennedys are almighty and powerful from the grave. I would choose my words very carefully.

~Static~ said...

@ Tricia - likewise, if I were you I would watch my choice of words when referring to America...lest you offend those easily offended about their homeland.

The US you see depicted in photos are fakes. They are much like TV or movie sets, built and photographed to show Third World countries (like Canada-oh yes I've seen photos of your nation too, quite harrowing) that our living conditions are just as bad if not worse than that they are discouraged from emigrating here.

As everyone who has actually been here or born here will tell you, America has the greenest fields, purple mountains majesty, opulent palaces filled with riches beyond your wildest dreams, and enough food to feed the entire planet for the next millenia, but instead we hoarde it all down here, getting fatter everyday, exploiting free trade and labor of immigrants and
Third World nations (such as Canada) America has you duped by our schemes! And we prosper while Canada struggles with its Stone Age technologies, it's pollution, and failing economy.

On behalf of Americans everywhere, I offer my most heartfelt sympathies to all Candians...with your beady little eyes and your flip-flop heads.

~Static~ said...

p.s. @ Canada

Global Warming, the worldwide Economic Crisis, Terrorism, Abortion, Drug Cartels, the Health Care Crisis, Ponzi Schemes, and beer that tastes like piss?

It's all Canada's fault!

Times have changed, our kids are geting worse.
They won't obey their parents, they just wanna fart and curse!

Should we blame the government, or blame society?
Or should we blame the images on TV?

NO! Blame Canada, Blame Canada
It seems that everything's gone wrong, since Canada came along

Blame Canada, Blame Canada
We need to form as full assault, it's Canada's fault

Don't blame yourself for your son Stan,
He saw that darn cartoon and now he's off to join the Klan!
and my boy Eric once had my picture on his shelf,
but now when he sees me, he tells me to F*** (gasp) myself

Blame Canada, Blame Canada
Because when Canada is gone,
There'll be no more Celine Dion
Blame Canada, Blame Canada
They're not even a real country anyway

Kenny could've been a doctor or a lawyer, it's true
instead he burned up like a piggy on the barbecue
Should we blame the matches? Should we blame the fire?
or the doctors who allowed him to expire?

HECK NO! Blame Canada, Blame Canada
with all their Hockey hallabaloo, and that bitch Anne Murray too
Blame Canada, Blame Canada
all I can say is oy Gevalt, it's Canada's Fault


Blame Canada, Blame Canada
With Brain Adams' Beady Eyes
Margret Trudeau's friendly thighs
Blame Canada, Shame on Canada!

For the smut we must stop!
The trash we must smash!
The laughter and fun,
this will be undone!
We must blame them and cause a fuss before somebody thinks of blaming us!!!


p.s.s. just kidding...sort of.

Julio said...

Hey, ~STatic~, Leave Tricia alone! It isn't her fault that she was born into SOCIALISM. Obviously the failure of the Canadian health care system can be seen by the innumerable (around 10,000) people coming to the USA for medical treatment (i.e. plastic surgery so 80 year old women can look like Tricia). Don't blame her for the Canadian scare tactics of "Eco-Friendly" and "our flag is a friggin' leaf...OF DOOM!"; she isn't a Canadian politician. If she were, she's be bowing to the queen of fucking England because, guess what, they're still sort-of under British rule technically kind-of.

~Static~ said...

@ Julio - Tricia should realize I'm kidding. Seriously, just read between the lines Tricia, and ignore old Mr. Julio Grumbles.

Besides, I recognize it isn't her fault that she was born into SOCIALISM, Dear Julio (idea for a column?).

And all those Canadian sluts coming down here for their fake boobies? Who can blame them when they are so cheap, and done by unlicensed Third World displaced surgeons and relocated to America, so many times!!!

Nor do I blame Tricia or YOU for the over population of moose and Mexicans.

She's no Canadian politician, alright. She's also probably not a patriot.

If the mighty US of A hadn't defeated Canada and the Nazis in WWII, then Canada would be goosestepping and speaking German just like we would be right now.

Next on the agenda is Mexico...this naturally means you have to go Julio, and you too Jesus, and you three José, and you four Juan
And all of the following also:

Make a hasty run for the border, homies! Arriba Undele Ay Ay Ay ja ja ja!

Anonymous said...

I saw Ted Kennedy today. He was in my shower, masturbating. Lord rest his soul.

Julio said...

He wasn't masturbating...he was trying to remove his brain tumor through penile suction. At first it appeared to have worked...but upon further examination, it turned out to be the soul of the aid he left to drown in a lake...OUCH! Even I think that one went too far!

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