Hahaha! Everyone thinks I"m dead...lawl!!!
"Sen. Ted Kennedy (D) died Tuesday of brain cancer" is something that a liberal newspaper, website or radio station might have you believe. Popular website "Dead or Alive," which keeps track of famous deaths, has, through no fault of its own, fallen for this liberal rouse and listed Ted Kennedy as deceased. The objective of this post is to convince you, the reader, that Sen. Ted Kennedy is not only alive and well, but also behind the Socialist conspiracy of the Obama administration and government run euthanasia.
Exhibit A: Where is the Original Death Cirtificate?
How do we know that Ted Kennedy is dead if we don't have a Death Cirtificate? What has been released by the Kennedy campaign is a "Cirtificate of Live Death." This is the same thing that his brother, John Kennedy, supplied after his "assassination" 40 years ago, and as we all know, the CIA exiled him to Cuba. What I have found on the internet is Kennedy's REAL Death Cirtificate...his KENYAN Death Cirtificate. Because we now know for a fact that Kennedy died in Kenya, it only follows that Kenney is ineligible for the position of President of the Ghost-United States of America (GUSA).
Exhibit B: Ted Kennedy is not a Citizen of the Ghost-United States of America (GUSA)
Sources in the afterworld have revealed to me, after hours of intensive mediTation/mediCation, that Ted Kennedy arrived in the Kenyan entrance of Heaven, referred to as the "Pewter Gates" due to a shortage of gold. He later entered the GUSA embasy and was transported via cloud-car to the Continental GUSA. My sources in the socialist GUSA have also informed me that Kennedy has already been appointed to the GUSA Senate and has drafted legislation that includes Government run "life-panels".
Exhibit C: If Ted Kennedy is a member of the GUSA Senate, doesn't that mean he's dead?
Yes. But the definition of intelligence is the ability to hold two contardictory beliefs without discomfort. Being an intelligent fellow, it follows that Ted Kennedy is BOTH dead AND alive. The liberal media, however, would like you to think that contradictions are wrong, but in fact they are a normal part of U.S. politics. Don't believe me? Just see for yourself:
Washington D.C. No, seriously, this is the capital of the USA. I bet you thought
this was Africa. You were WRONG
He sure looks hungry...Yup, go ahead, have ANOTHER BITE...you're starving, aren't you?
HEY FATASS, STOP EATING ALL THOSE FLIES...we own those flies. You work for us, now
Yea...support our troops...unless they come back crazy. Then FUCK 'EM!