Friday, February 26, 2010

100 Ways to Grill a lolCat

 Killing a cat is quite easy, even for a child (I killed my first cat in-utero!). But once task is complete, i.e., once the proverbial cat is killed, what then is left for man to do? Do you roast over an open flame? Obviously you should inject it with barbecue sauce, but should this be done pre- or post-mortem? For all these answers and more, read on!

100 Ways to Grill a Cat

Way 100: Giant Super Cat
The first step to grilling a cat is to choose exactly which cat it is you’re going to grill. My first suggestion is a rather simple recipe. Just breed or bio-engineer a giant super-cat capable of killing a lion in a single bite. Then eat that lion. Then cut off the super-cat’s head and take a photo. Oh, and don’t forget the grillin’ sauce!!!
Way 85: Chinese Cat Market

Get your fresh cat meat here! Freeeesh cat meat
In America, “cruelty to animals” only refers to small, cuddly house-mammals; in China, however, anything that moves (especially baby girls!) is on the menu! The Chinese are a polite peoples, and will happily de-fur, skin, torture and finally kill the cat of your choice. Also, if you buy 5 cats, you get a baby girl FREE!

Way 70: Blowtorch

China's don't even need Photoshop! They really do this shit!
After injecting your cat-of-choice with your sauce-of-choice, don’t forget to cook it with your hand-held blow-torch of choice. A simple butane flame will work fine, but for a quick cook, I would suggest a military-grade flame-thrower.


Way 50: Cat-Burger

Cute...and delicious!

God only knows what’s inside of a hamburger (Chinese baby girls?). Why  not eat the devil you know instead of the devil you don’t with CAT-BURGERS! You can eat them live (as seen above) or dead, have them minced or grounded, deep fried or boiled in cheese.
That’s it for today folks. For more ways to kill and subsequently eat a lolCat, tune in for the next installment. Or just use your imagination…who am I kidding. I’ll get you more dead cats by Tuesday!

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