I'm a fat, lazy fuck

My 10th birthday party. Everyone left becaues I ate all 13 cakes...

In case you don't know, I'm a twenty-something with no job and am currently out of school. I have 'currently' been such a person for about, say, a year. I play online games, and although I do not live with my mom DIRECTLY, I do live with her in the sense that "She gives me money to live somewhere else because I am so god-damned annoying and I never wear pants." 

I just bought a new flatscreen T.V. at a garage sale with the money my mom sent me for reasons she dubbed as "so your wife doesn't leave you for a man who: bathes, shaves, works, listens and is NOT: violent, an adulterer, member of NAMBLA, "Pal around with terrorists," search the garbage for food AAAAND give her STD's because he sleeps with prostitutes." 

So, because I don't understand why sleeping with a prostitute is such a bad thing, I bought my flatscreen. Isn't. She. Beautiful?!?!

 Anyway, CNN makes me SO angry at conservatives because it is so damn liberal (as in, it points out all the fucked-up shit Republicans do). Fox News, on the other hand, makes me angry at conservatives because it is so Jesus-Fucking-Christ Conservative (as in, it CELEBRATES all the fucked-up shit Republican's do). I can't wait until Obama fucks something up so I can be angry at liberals again...I kinda forgot what it feels like to hate liberals. What happened to Michael Moore and his fat, obnoxious and liberal propaganda films which treated wacked-out and unsupported conspiracy theories as facts "the man" or "they" (as they are often referred to) doesn't/don't want you to know. 

 In fact, "the man" is Michael Moore's fat ass, and what he doesn't want you to know is that the reason his films are successful is because most people will believe ANYTHING about someone they hate. If someone tells you that Hitler used to fuck dead children while stabbing a baby, I doubt many peopel would contest. Show him smiling while hugging a little girl, however, and all of a sudden it's propaganda.

Accepted Fiction

As with Bush, suggest he secretly plotted 9/11 and this simple solution to a comlex issue replaces reasoning, mostly because we're all so damned pissed-the-fuck-off about things like Iraq...and the P.A.T.R.I.O.T. Act...and bankrupting our country...and eating kittens (I know I just made that up but I guarantee at least 50% of those who read this [i.e. 1 person] will think this photo is real:

Accepted Fact

Since I have just run out of random crap to say, read this article from cracked.com (but don't visit the forums...they're a bunch of pussies over there).