Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Why old people will be the death of us all...


Armageddon OLD SCHOOL

Boy, there are so many reasons that they are difficult to enumerate. Here's a summary outlining the fundamentals of the problem:

1. Old people have the physical and mental capacities of a new-born baby. On top of that, they are legally allowed to drive. You do the math.

baby driving
Let's be realistic here, okay? Old people simply have less to live for then babies do.
So of course their driving is going to suck.

 
Still not convinced? Here are the horrific results:

Not only do they veer off course, flying through BRIGHT ORANGE safety
cones, but they hit a bystander and then plummet off the edge of the parking 
lot and crash into a store front! If the store front wasn't there they would have 
just ...kept going! Way to fail your driving test, Grampa! (A note to car dealers:
don't let seniors take your Ferrari out for a test drive!)

2. Old people are ... old. I mean, really REALLY old. I know that sounds redundant but hear me out; in 1850, the avg. life expectancy was 38.3 years. Today, that figure is somewhere around 75.7 years. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, by 2100, the avg. life expectancy will be 92.3 years. And, again quoting directly from the Census Bureau, "The oldest old (persons 85 years old and over)...from 1960 to 1994, this group increased 274 percent...[and] are projected to be the fastest growing part of the elderly population into the next century." First of all, these people are called the "oldest old." That means that they are too old to be simply called "old" and are in fact the "oldest OF the old." Damn, that's John McCain old! 
 
Now, I'm not a mathematician, but, IF the fastest growing sector of our population consists of people over 60, and of this sector, those 85 and older are the fastest growing, then that means that people 85 years and older are the FASTEST GROWING SECTOR OF THE POPULATION!!! This means that people 85 years and older have already outlived the current life expectancy rate (by 10 years), so in the year 2100, the largest growing sector of the population will be people 102.3 years old (92.3 years + 10 y). 
IS...IS THAT IT?
 
THE GRIM IMUS
Okay, OTHER than Don Imus, IS THAT IT?

How about Grampa Simpson as an example?

 
Wait, seriously, just think about it for a sec. One of the LARGEST population segments will consist of people too old to complain about how lazy 'young people' are (note: at this time, 'young people' apparently refers to anyone under the age of 60), to chew their own food without an automatic-food-chewing mechanism, or even give a shit (since their shit will be removed by a robotic rectal tentacle connected to a pear-shaped electric pump) if you hit a future-baseball onto their future-lawn (and I use the term 'future' here because I am not entirely sure if baseball or lawns will still exist due to anti-youth laws which one should expect to be enacted in a world where a majority of the population consists of extra grumpy cyborg-grandfathers). If this does not frighten you, perhaps THIS will. 
 
Now, I know, that had absolutely nothing to do with this article, and I am in a sick sort of way making fun of deformed/retarded infants, but still, it was pretty fucking scary, right? Now imagine what you just saw consisting of a majority of the population and being legally allowed to drive. Multiply that by 10 and you may begin to see what a sick bastard you are because this thought experiment has no purpose other than making you less of a human being. But seriously, old people will kill us all. Be scared. 
 
Scared yet? Well, maybe this will change your mind:


Actually, the pedestrian survives in a way worthy of what could be described and/or compared to this guy, who deserves "The Luckiest Fuck in the World" Award. Want more? So as not to cloud this blog with endless youtube windows, just click the links and see for yourself how seriously fucked up this situation with old people is -- and possibly how they desire to DESTROY HUMANITY because they can't part with their cars!  

BWAAAHAHAHAHAHA*cough*HAHA*gag*HAHAHA*defribrillator...*!!!!!!!!!!!

Proof of Earth's impending destruction by the elderly:


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