Thursday, November 20, 2008

Should Handicapped People Be Euthanised? This old man says "Yes!"

The original idea was to put "NOT Blind" signs on all the normal people, but
this way just seemed more practical...

Perhaps I should give some context to this situation. I take it all back, you know, all that I said before. Old people will not be the death of us all; rather, they will continue to aid us in seeing the lighter side of life. They're forgetful. They're ignorant. Their understanding of medicine (or lack thereof) would certainly approve of blood letting; as for science, they continue to refer to the spherical nature of the Earth as just a "theory." Their religious views involve a daily fear of witches and being inhabited by the ghost of Patrick Swayze. They refer to Barck Obama as a talented, well-spoken "freed black man." But all that aside, by far the most important characteristic of old people is this: They are the most politically incorrect human beings on the face of the Earth. Remember, I am including pirates, criminals, pimps, President Bush and rednecks. Old people, with the exception of the highly educated (and even then you still find remnants of insensitive greatness), across the board, are politically incorrect to the extent that will make you feel part of a Twilight Zone episode involving traveling back in time (i.e. Every episode ever of the Twilight Zone).

Now you are closer to understanding the title of today's blog. You see, my grandfather is old school, and by "old school," I mean the actual the racist "old schools" of the South (you know, the SEGREGATED ones). Anyway, my grandfather has a very open mind and doesn't hate people ONLY because of their color. Physical handicaps, for example, are always open for ridicule. Hence the phrase, "I'd rather kill myself than be blind," suddenly makes a certain amount of sense, although at the same time our perception of the human race becomes slightly more darkened. But don't get me wrong; he didn't just go, "Hi grandson, nice weather today, I'd commit suicide if I had glaucoma." Since glaucoma is a common disease of the elderly, he basically gave us permission to euthanize him as soon as we can legally characterize him as "Mentally Unfit" to make the decision himself. No, instead he began listing the deformities which he could live with, such as being an amputee (not a double amputee, just a single), missing a leg (but not both), and being deaf (though he did not seem particularly committed to living the remainder of his life going "what, say that again...Speak English you dirty Mexican day laborer!!!"). Of course, you can imagine his worst nightmare would be a blind and deaf quadrouple amputee who doesn't speak English.

When kicking a blind man, the first thing to remember is HNH: He's not human!

Soon, it all began to make sense. The idea of relying on other people for survival was the most terrible, disgusting and pathetic thing that he could possibly think of. This "bootstrap" "build your own damned Log Cabin" Republican basically takes social Darwinism to the next logical step: Actual, survival of the physically fittest (sorry, fatass), teenage pregnancy is natural (sorry star quaterback), the football team really is better than you (sorry again, fatass), Darwinism. If you can't survive on you own you're better off dead before your pathetic genes can be passed over. He would even go to the extent of killing himself as soon as he becomes incapable of caring for himself just to prove this point. He'd actually be happy to do it, "It's a service to my country!" he'd probably say before drowning himself in a bathtub that he probably would have urinated in just moments earlier. Anyway, this is getting less funny and more sickeningly morbid, so I had better finish this up with some cleverly Photoshopped images expressing hatred for the disabled. I don't know who's worse, him for saying these things or me for finding them absolutely hilarious...

"FUCK YOU blindy McCripple-ton! You're a pathetic excuse of a humanoid
primate that evolved over millions of years into an 'intelligent' tool-wielding
up-right walking mammal!

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