The Robotic Para"OMFG"Olympics Chicken Embarrassment Post

And Yet Another Senseless Guest Post by Static As If It Were Possible You Think Out Loud To Yourself

Hey everyone. How the hell are ya?

I wanted to address the list of offenses we (may) have created, especially with our last posts. We..or I should say I (since Julio is insensitive to paraplegics, and everyone on the planet actually, including me).. I would like to offer an apology to anyone who is truly offended by our shock blogging, especially regarding the Para"OMFG"Olympics, and the Robot Chicken posts.

If you are paraplegic or quadraplegic, it is no laughing matter how you ended up as such, and nobody should make fun of that. I also offer my heartfelt sympathies for any Robot Chicken or Dharma and Greg lovers out there.

However, it can be considered pretty funny if you are a Robot Chicken loving paraplegic, who fully understands the risks of being a Robot Chicken lover, and engaging in competitive sports that result in a pile-up of wheelchairs on the race track.

Chris Reeves says: Stop yer whining!

Would Christopher Reeves be offended by any of that? Probably not. He was a go-getter, and a head strong individual with a thick skin...or perhaps he was a weak spined individual with a thick skull, we haven't made that determination yet.

Anyway...Do you think he would be offended by a picture of himself faced with having to enter a non-handicap accessible heaven? I think he would be pissing himself...with laughter (not just because he often pissed himself for lack of bladder control.)





I find that people who are easily offended are:

• a.) Uptight people who have to find something to bemoan about, or they feel their lives have no purpose otherwise
• b.) Uptight people who recently experienced that which is being made fun of
• c.) Uptight people who know someone who is uptight with what is being made fun of
• d.) Uptight people who are uptight about everything in general
• e.) All of the above

So to you folks who are classified as anything contained above, you need to loosen up a bit. Here are some tips on how to accomplish this without embarrassment.


Loosening Up is Done by Letting Go
No, no. Don't let yourself go. Let go! There is only one thing we need to control, and that is our own reactions. And the way to control our reactions is to loosen up by letting go. This is but one subtle way of letting go. So get naked and run down the street, start talking to a stranger at the bus stop; ask them for the time - which will be hilarious, because well, y'know..YOU'RE NAKED! What do YOU need a watch or know the time for? Chances are, if you're naked, you have nowhere to be except prison. After getting naked and asking some random person for the time, then slowly rip a really loud fart in front of a large group of people. Remember, letting go takes love.



Observing Through Self-Observation is Important
Loosen up pal. Go to the zoo. Hang out and watch the monkeys and apes for awhile. These are your direct relatives. Get in touch with them and get in touch with that side of yourself. Observe the monkeys observing you. They only wish to emulate you because you are pretty smart...for a monkey. While you're at it. Go play with them, maybe the zookeepers will mistake you for one and lock you in with the monkeys removing you from "normal" society.





Loosening Up and Letting Go is Freedom (as covered above)
It is our own self-observation that is the key to this higher order of awareness. Self-observation allows us to understand. The silent observer that lives within does not think, it sees light of our new understanding. This higher freedom comes in direct proportion to what we are willing to learn about ourselves. The next time you decide to judge someone else's stupidity..think of your own for a moment before you do. After an hour long narcissistic rage, you'll remember that even you are not perfect..your chances at perfection are about 300 Billion:1 (only Julio and myself are that close to perfection). Just keep licking the mirror, you'll eventually get it.




Have the Right Intention
Be a willing participant and look in the right direction. At first it will be humiliating to see and then admit that you only thought you were in the driver seat. The good news is we are never trapped by where we are. The trap is always who we are. To learn how to loosen up by letting go can help you to inwardly grow and the easier your whole life flows. That's why you need to don a turban, and give a hand job to the first middle eastern man you see. As I said previously, letting go takes love. Lots and lots of it. And if and when you think you've given too much, that's when you need to give MOAR!




Want What Life Wants
It is not what life has brought you that you don't want. It is your reactions that turn the gift of life into the resentment of it. It is your own ideas about life that have failed you. What happens when you want what you want? You become nervous and anxious because life may not cooperate with your plans. We were not made in our own image. When you want what life wants you are never disappointed with what happens. Even if life wants to take a huge dump on your chest, and then it does.





Letting Go of Regret
Do not look back at regret. Regret only ties you to the old life level that doesn't know better and keeps you from the one that does. Let the fighting end. Don't let the current of the past dictate the direction of the present. It is never right to feel wrong, no matter how right you think you are. And even if you're right, you're wrong (unless you are me or Julio.) So don't regret the oh-so-wrong and stupid decision to get drunk one morning and tattoo a checkerboard on your face. Coz that's one rad checkerboard..on yer ugly puss, dumbass!





So ya see, it's really not that hard to let go and loosen up. Especially where shock blogging is concerned. It's just so much easier to not give a shit.

And if it's too hard for you to do that, then you are just going to be disappointed by everything and have quite the uphill battle, moron. So good luck with that, you depraved flea-infested unfortunate occurrence of unprotected intercourse and heart-sickening sub-literate simpletons!

Oops..seems I need another lesson in letting go..so get over it. That's right. I'm a dick, sometimes. Because there are moments where I just don't care give a shit. Until next time pinheads.



You can find more about Letting Go and Static Being a Total Dick goddammit simply by f@#king visiting:

Static Krapsody - the place to find out of the ordinary humor the Land of Arse USA

http://www.krapsody.com

It's All Krap All The Time

funny pics & videos, humor, comedy, satire

Visit Krapsody.com and request a signature like this!

'Robot Chicken Embarrassment' Embarassment

Imagine being a huge geeky-nerdy fan of criticizing other huge geeky-nerdy fans' favorite TV shows..which I am...and have someone dash those dreams and hopes into the dirt...well, that's what happened to me the other day.

After posting a comment on an article about a favorite show of ~Static~ on Krapsody.com, his discovery that the Cartoon Network-Adult Swim series Robot Chicken in fact sucks, was a rather disheartening experience for him. He then wrote an article on ProjectJulio.com describing, in verbose (and oddly sexual) detail, the embarrassment my comment caused. The following is my heartfelt and entirely original apology:

I'M SORRY ~STATIC~
I NEVER MEANT TO HURT YOU
I NEVER MEANT TO MAKE YOU CRY
BUT TONIGHT, I'M CLEANING OUT MY CLOSET

P.S. Thanks to Eminem, DJ Skittles and other white rappers named after popular bite-sized candies for making this post possible...aaaaand I'm pretty sure that's everyone who inspired this post...yup, everyone.
p.p.s. Thanks also to, ~Static~, for making this post possible.

Robot Chicken Embarrassment

this shit is bananas

Another Senseless Guest Post by Static

Imagine being a huge geeky-nerdy fan of one of your favorite shows..which you are..and have someone dash those dreams and hopes into the dirt, making you feel like a complete tool. Well, that's what happened to me the other day.

After posting an article about a favorite show of mine on Krapsody.com, my discovery that the Cartoon Network-Adult Swim series Robot Chicken in fact sucks, was a rather disheartening experience.


Let's have a look shall we?

Julio said...

Sorry, but I friggin' HATE Robot Chicken. The following is EVERY ROBOT CHICKEN SKETCH EVER:
1. Use characters from sit-coms and cartoons that aired between 1980 and 1990. If said characters aren't present, then something of this sort should occur (i.e. something involving the balls): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GtOLqNuTOag
2. Make said characters act like every-day individuals in every-day situations. Resist keeping them in-character; they must act OPPOSITE to their character. Therefore, Darth Vader is afraid of spiders and Charlie Brown kills baby animals...for fun!
3. Rinse and repeat.

April 30, 2009 7:22 PM

~Static~ responded...

@ Julio - But that's what makes Robot Chicken so endearing.

Robot Chicken makes fun of mediocre sketch comedy formulae, while proudly supporting it at the same time...

Or something like that.

We're vulnerable here, please stop toying with our fragile self-conception!

May 3, 2009 1:34 PM

Clearly, you can sense the shame in my response. But even more shameful is what other people like to do when they think about Robot Chicken.

Geejus kriiist that's disgusting!

Just when you thought Project Julio would dispense with the shock tactics, huh? Nope! icanhascheezburger will have more uploads like this in the future to share with PJ/NPH readers!

Note: Chicken maniac..err Chicken man's picture can easily be found just be Google-ing the keyword "colonel's secret recipe"..either Google fucked up, or that is in fact the Colonel's secret recipe.

Anyway, as if this wasn't enough, I also have a confession.
To further distinguish shame from embarrassment, I wish to point to two types of embarrassment. These I will call embarrassment as self-consciousness and embarrassment as mild shame.

In the latter type, embarrassment as mild shame is related to a negative self-evaluation. For example, in reference to Kentucky Fried Chicken, a person's negative self-evaluation of eating is not associated with the amount of food that he or she consumed when not hungry, but was linked to their perceptions of being restricted from those foods leading to

1) an eating disorder and becoming very thin, or
2) not caring and becoming grossly overweight, or
3) having a balanced lifestyle approach and indulging on occasion, but looking healthy in appearance
4) a complete fuckwit who puts a rubber chicken in their butt anytime Robot Chicken is mentioned and then takes a picture of it which ends up on the net
5) following number four the chicken stuffer's identity becomes known


In the first type, embarrassment appears to be more shyness than shame. Such as

1) being a self-unaware nerd who likes Robot Chicken
2) being a self-aware nerd who loves Robot Chicken
3) wanting to put a rubber chicken in your butt anytime Robot Chicken is mentioned

Self-consciousness, such as the embarrassment of admitting to enjoying the show, Robot Chicken, led to embarrassment and humiliation and my self-conscious discovery that I am a HUGE nerd. But I'm not as much as a nerd as say..Barack Obama.

At this point it is probably pretty obvious that I'm a bona fide nerd. I was fully aware of this fact before just now, but this morning after I woke up, I had a legitimate full nerd moment that I can't deny at all. I sat at my laptop, closed my eyes for a few seconds and...

recited Pi to as many decimal places as I could remember.

I got to 3.14159265359 and was actually excited about my abilities until I suddenly realized I had settled into full nerd territory. The worst part about it is that I'm not ashamed about it at all (possible negative self-evaluation or embracing that self-evaluation and making it a positive one).

Most people who think they know me, don't know the full extent of my nerdiness. In reality, probably only 2-3 people fully realize just how much of a nerd I am. That's about all the people I know really...I tend to only display around 22.87% of my nerdiness to the general populace, and around 18.07% of that is through my blog. But 99.9% of my readers KNOW this already.

The other .1% are either clueless, or are just self-unaware nerds.

With this giant leap into the land of Geakuh (pronounced: Geek), I may just begin to reveal more and more of my nerdiness to the world.

Clue #1 - I like Star Wars. Stay tuned for moar kthxbye!


**Julio's Note: For a more sexually arousing version of this article, visit here. Also, Kudos to ~Static~ for discovering this site: http://www.pornolize.com


You can find more about Static's Nerdom by visiting:

Static Krapsody - the place to find out of the ordinary humor the Land of Arse USA

http://www.krapsody.com

It's All Krap All The Time

funny pics & videos, humor, comedy, satire

Visit Krapsody.com and request a signature like this!

The Para"OMFG"Olympics

Okay, lets just say your wife's best friend is a paraplegic (i.e. cripple). One day, your wife's friend invites you both to view the Paralympics, with the main event being the 5K women's wheel-chair race. Everything is going fine...you're even enjoying yourself and getting into the race. Then THIS happens:

Do you say:

a) Shriek in horror "Oh My Fucking God (OMFG)! I hope they have wheel-chair insurance!"

b) "OMFG, as if being a cripple wasn't bad enough!"

c) "It's okay everyone...God obviously just hates some people more than others..."

d) Laugh histerically until you're kicked out of the house by your wife's angry wheel-chair ridden best friend.

e) "Sliiiiiiide-show"

If you chose "D"...then you're a fucking moron. However, being that I am a fucking moron, I had no other choice BUT to choose "D". Before you judge me, though, please hear me out. I hate crippled people...if, that is, you consider them to be "people" in the first place! The only thing they're good for are side-show slide-shows.

...Of course, I don't really feel that way, but would not such a view be considered "extreme"? Extremely offensive, angry, illogical and hateful? I mean, what the hell kind of person hates and makes fun of people who overcome a handicapp? 

Oh, right...soooo maybe it was a bit Hitler-ish to laugh at a 5-wheel-chair pile-up. Speaking of which, Hitler was known to be quite the humorist. In the new non-fiction "The Last Witness," Hitler's personal telephonist recalls his disturbing jokes about concentration camp victims, some of whom, we can imagine, were probably crippled. That being said, I think the spirit of Hitler is well alive in the following paralympic joke:

I noes can getz up! I noes haz legz...=(

Now, Before you judge me, though, please hear me out. You must first realize that it was not I, Julio, who made this image, but rather ~Static~ of Krapsody.com. I did not do anything wrong; I only did what I was told...hmm, now where did I hear that argument before?

Oh, right...

After a Lengthy Hiatus, Hitler's Famous Mustache is Socially Acceptable (and cool)!

SPOILER ALERT: I AM A PSYCHOPATH. If you are offended by material designed specifically to be offensive, follow this link to something more appropriate.

Let me just start off by informing you that I may/do suffer from a condition which prevents me from comprehending "human" emotion. That being said, I can now admit that I am not certain whether or not "the Holocaust" was necessarily a "bad" thing...but then again, the fact that there is only one "the Holocaust," much like there is only one "NAMBLA" and one true "God" (i.e. Zeus), indicates that it was nonetheless significant. For whatever reason, the mastermind of the Holocuast...was not Jesus executing his revenge on the Jews for his untimely death, though it would make an awesome animated film made by Disney/Pixar titled "Horton Hears a Jew: The Diary of Anne Frank II". 

No, no...instead, the "accepted" mastermind of the Holocuast,  Adolf Smallpenis Hitler, was guilty of the alleged genocide of 10 million-or-so "people," and in doing so completely tarnished the reputation of the infamous mustache. After the end of WWII, any and all who would dare replicate his signature "thick, only on the middle-upper-lip mustache" were thereon considered social outcasts and otherwise dispicable human beings...

...that is, until recently. Below is a chart detailing the evolution of the Hitler mustache from eclectic fashion to brutal dictator to A-list celebrity. 

Top Row: American Nazi Politicians; Middle: Known Historical Nazis; Bottom: Celebrety Nazis

As we can clearly see, the Hitler Mustache was harmless fashion, first made famous by Jesus Christ, and then again by comedian Charlie Chaplin. Then came Hitler, who chose this particular mustache for reasons that we can only assume involved God's twisted plan to have revenge on the Jews for killing Jesus. Slowly but surely, the mustache made its return to political life, especially in America, where it is speculated that the inherent evil of the mustache corrupted all who dared to wear it. About two years ago, however, celebrities in Hollywood, CA began sporting the facist facial hair to award ceremonies and prominent charity events. The image of the Hitler Mustache soon changed from that of a Tyrranical Toothbrush to a Charitable Chaplin. Today, prominent wearers include celebrity couple "Bradgelina" and that weird guy who played "Kramer" on Seinfeld who's also a racist.

Anyway, if any of you guys inside the series of tubes known as the "Internets" know of any other celebrities who are sporting the "Hitler Mustache" just drop the info inside the comment line and share it with the world (i.e. the 12 people per month who stumble across this website!~)

MP3 Players Kill Teens, Prove Natural Selection

According to NPR, a teen was recently run-over by a train. This normally would be hilarious to me; since the incident occurred because the teen was too busy listening to his I-Pod, however, it can (and should) now be hilarious to anyone. The story, entitled, "With MP3 Player On, Teen Didn't Hear Train," fails to envoke the sympathy one would expect from NPR. Their second attempt, "Caution: Walking And Cell Phones Don't Mix," in fact, envokes even further suspicion as to the intelligence level of the anticipated audience, which surely cannot be anyone who reads NPR, let alone knows what it is. This is why, if I could travel in time to that day with just enough time to save him of his impending death...I don't think that I would do it. Darwin and I both agree that nature is perfectly capable of handling this case all by itself.

Darwin, the first and only heterosexual bird-watcher

Thus, we arrive at the topic of this article. Think about the turtles hatching on the beach and head towards the ocean. Though we hope for their safe arrival, it is not humanity's place to interfere with natural selection by unloading a 12-guage semi-automatic shotgun into the hawks and other carnivorous animals that try to eat them. In the same way, human evolution also incorporates natural selection, which for you idiots out there means that only those "fit" to survive until procreation are allowed to pass their genes onto future generations.  

Thanks to a twist of fate and/or God's twisted sense of irony, teen Joshua White was never 

allowed to pass on his curse/genes onto future generations...why ironic? He was an avid 

listening to Christian music, and was probably listening to it at the time of his death...where 

was "GOD" then? Hopefully, he was busy saying the following:

"Our God is an awesome god he reigns..FUCK, JOSHUA, LOOKOUT FOR THAT...ah, 

fuck it, you're a dumbass anyway."

Now let us return to the teen who was hit by a train because his MP3 player was "too loud." He was deliberately walking on the train tracks. Even if we assume that the teen never saw the movie "Stand by Me," we can assume that he knows that train tracks exist for the sole purpose of moving trains. Similarly, roads exist for the sole purpose of moving vehicles. As a result, there is not a single person out there who feels a need to inform the public of the dangers of "crossing the road without looking both ways." Yet, for some reason, the "San Francisco Transport Agency" feels the need to inform the public of the dangers of "walking in front of a moving train...while listening to music!" Seriously...THERE'S A PUBLIC AWARENESS CAMPAIGN on the "DANGERS of WALKING in FRONT of TRAINS"...Idiocracy was right, this country is going to SHIT if our future leaders can't walk from point A to B without getting hit by the LARGEST VEHICLES in the world (i.e. trains, moron)!

Beethoven? Are people who listen to Beethoven really that stupid (why not Jay-Z)? Or instead is the ad demonstrating that even deaf people manage to avoid being killed by trains, thereby multiplying the stupidity required for such an event to occur...

I apologize if I seem insensitive, but if you are 16 years old and do NOT understand the concept of "a 100 ton train moving at 60 mph will CRUSH you instantly," perhaps this world is not for you. Would you want such a mentally deficient teen driving on the same roads as your teen whom you raised to live in the same reality as everyone else? There should be a similar ad campaign entitled, "Hey there, idiot...please stand on the X below this sign. Now walk three steps to your right. If you're still reading this, you probably weren't just hit by a train... CONGRATULATIONS!!!" This would reduce the cost of entitlement programs such as Social Security, Medicare/Medicaid, Welfare, etc. by weeding people out of our society who are too smart to be considered "retarded" yet too stupid to be considered "not retarded." I'm looking at you, guy who asks "do you serve hot coffee..." at a coffee shop. I'm sorry, we only serve COLD JUICE HERE. DUMBASS!!! Anyway, it would be a good campaign is all I'm saying.

Organ FAIL! When Your Internal Organs Turn to Mush (or an equitable consistency)

At some point in our lives, we are each going to come face-to-face with our maker. This is especially frightening in Tom Cruise's case, since his "maker" is intergalactic space-pirate "Lord Xenu." Regardless, that security-blanket you call a "religion" can't protect you from physical death, no matter how increasingly painful and horrific those deaths become as I list them in quasi-alphabetical order: Instant fecal-hemmoraging; diabetes of the genitals; innumerable stab-wounds (to the face); the first/any season of: The Apprentice; Grey's Anatomy; House; and finally, "Grey and his gay lover's anatomy don't allow for a biological offspring."

Despite your best efforts, organ failure is often irreversible, which is sort of humanity's way to say, "Hey God, F-You! Your "complicated" universe can't even re-animate my internal organs...oh shit, how can I be alive talking if...crap, I'm in Hell, aren't I? Well, at least I don't have to listen to "Christian Rock" anymore!" To make a long story short, here are my FAVORITE examples/proof of a Godless, meaningless universe!!!


Looks like "Mother Nature" disciplined this pair of blood filtration devices!


"An image of a human heart undergoing angiography to repair a massive aneurysm of the aortal arch." Well, there isn't anything more to say, is there? Humanity: 1 Nature: 1 God: 0!!!

Well, that's all for now. For more, please put on a white doctor's coat with the word "Doctor" followed by "Your Name" and visit your nearest Emergency Room!

Biggest Ass-holes In The Entire World

This is not about evil tyrants and revolutionary visionaries such as Hitler. This is about everyday assholes who take being an asshole too far and in fact become a total "dick douchebag HOLY FUCK did he just do that!" The following are examples of such extreme assholery.

Man Punch Girl at Mcdonalds - Watch today’s top amazing videos here

Cutting in line is usually not a good idea at a restaurant which exclusively serves to impoverished drug addicts who never learned how to cook.

http://www.pressrepublican.com/homepage/local_story_035223728.html

Everyone punches a baby once in a while, right?

Why did Oscar Grant CHOOSE to be black?

http://www.wftv.com/news/13686863/detail.html

it's like taking $10 from a 6-year-old boy...

http://www.wftv.com/news/13686863/detail.html

Did he punch the kid to make sure that he would always remember some dude F'ing his mom?

Shock! Blogging Tutorial

Though it might not sound like it, "Shock! blogging" can sometimes require the diligence and malnourishment of a Tibetan monk. Myself being a tibetan monk, I have taken it upon myself to deliver unto thee the exact procedure required to make a high-quality "Shock!" blog-entry. It goes as follows:

Step 1: Find a Shocking Image which fits the criteria of a "Shock!" image (i.e., is it shocking?).

Step 2: Upload appropriately innapropriate "Shock!" image onto photobucket. 

Step 3: Select "Re-Mix" sub-menu (http://s212.photobucket.com/albums/cc87/Yourusername/?action=remix)

a. drag an appropriate "NSFW" alert image (gallery) in the first slot of the editor

b. place "blur" effect/transition

c. place innapropriate "Shock! blog" photo entry into slot

Step 4: Paste HTML to your blog to enjoy an appropriately innapropriate Shock! blog. SAFE FOR WORK (SFW) version/NOT SAFE FOR WORK (NSFW) version...link to SFW version: *photo of naked nun* followed by, "hey, douchebag, GET BACK TO WORK YOU LAZY FUCK!!! What the hell's your problem. Why are you looking at this bullshit instead of working. What kind of job do you have? Accountant? "Manager"? Where do you FIND THE TIME??? HOW RUDE!!! If you're not working at work, you DESERVE to be caught viewing a website that features fetal-incest porn ("Now with 100% more violence!"). Being that this is such a website, I suggest you hand-in your retirement now. ON THE DOUBLE!!!"). What, did you think that you were reading a parenthetical just now? Jackass; there was never an open parenthesis to begin with...how can you live with yourself?

Examples:

1. Jesus riding a dinosaur (appropriate) followed by what appears to be Satan kicking Zeus's ASS (Shock!)!

Though I admittedly believe I should switch the captions of the Jesus photo and put those on the Zeus/Chronos photo, and vice-versa. Or I could be lazy and NOT do that. I'm going with the latter.

Shock! Blog, Where The Internets WIN!!! ver. 2

Following up Julio's recent post on shock material, I've decided to continue the Campaign of Shock with a second installment of Shock!

Are you shocked yet? Well you should be!

Our mission at Project Julio and NPH: Tired of all the lolcat, loldawg and lolrus internet phenomena, we have made a non-verbal agreement to wreck icanhascheezburger.com, via shock site tactics because we are tired of your nasal bleating, Fisher-Price web activities, Internets!

So there ya have it. More Shock! to assault your senses. You have inadvertently put your finger on the dark fear haunting the feeble internets. What sites will we single out next? Stay tuned to find out.

For those who are truly shocked we hope we've left your quivering souls in complete awe - in some sense, you easily offended sacks of bodily fluids are superficial semi-persons assembled from packaging; infinitely sad, second-rate replicants who don’t really know what they are doing here, but feel vaguely significant, compelled and creative each time they gaze at their sleek designer machines and power them up to view Project Julio.


You can find out more about Shock Blogging by visiting:

Static Krapsody - the place to find out of the ordinary humor the Land of Arse USA

http://www.krapsody.com

It's All Krap All The Time

funny pics & videos, humor, comedy, satire

Visit Krapsody.com and request a signature like this!