Wednesday, July 29, 2009

FROST-HITLER: The Secret Interviews FINALLY Released!

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Movie to be released during WW3

Until now, no one really knows what happened during Hitler's last days on Earth...except, maybe, for the guy who wrote this book. Or the guy who wrote the screenplay for this movie. And maybe even God (i.e. FSM). But I bet you would have never guessed that British journalist, David Frost/Oprah Winfrey, parachuted behind enemy lines during the last days of WWII to conduct an interview of the likes the world had never seen...and interview with the infamous genocidal dictator, Adolf Hitler/Dick Cheney. Below is a transcript of the interview. Unfortunately, the video itself was given to NASA for safekeeping...and they eventually recorded over it with sports bloopers and fart jokes. Fucking NASA.

FROST/HITLER Interview; April 30th, 1945; 12:00 H.S.T. (Hitler Standard Time)...oh, and Hail Hitler!

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Frost: Thank you, Hitler, for taking the time to see me. It's an honor, no a priveledge, no a wish come true to be here in your presense today. Let's film that again; I don't want to be interpreted as Pro-Hitler, but rather, Hitler-Sympathetic. *clears throat* I appreciate you taking the time to see me, mein Fuhror...FUCK! How about you start?

FROST/HITLER Interview; April 30th, 1945; 12:05 H.S.T. (Hitler Standard Time)...oh, and Hail Hitler!

Hitler: Thank you, Frost, for wasting the final moments of my life with a paltry attempt of muckraking by making a man whom everyone knows is guilty admit that he's guilty. Great job! Here's my idea for your NEXT interview: O.J. Simpson
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Frost: Who's "O.J. Simpson"?
Hitler: Nevermind. Anway, I assume you want to ask me about the "holocaust," my antisemitism, my abusive father and the invasion of Europe and its subsequent anexation by Germany.
Oprah
Frost: Oh, right, of course. Please, tell me about the "holocaust," your antisemitism, your abusive father and the invastion of Europe with that anexxy-thing you mentioned.

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Hitler: Well, obviously due to my antisemitism, I vehemently despise the Jewish race. I simply took that hate to its logical conclusion and killed as many of them as I could. So, I suppose, in that way, I was victorious. However, if it wasn't those darned kids, and the United States of America, and my BRILLIANT strategy of a war on two fronts, we'd be conducting this interview in German and you'd be licking my boots! And speaking of which, PLEASE stop licking my boots!
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Frost: Sorry, Mein Fuhror! I mean, I was collecting DNA for cloning purposes.


Hitler: What's "cloning"?
Oprah
Frost: Nevermind. Anyway, now I'd like to ask you if you are ready to apologize for the murder, by way of execution, torture and/or acts of war, of 20 million people.
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Hitler: You've got me there Mr. Frost. I have no choice but to concede this debate over to your side. What I did was wrong. I gave the order for the execution, torture and acts fo war which were responsible for the deaths of 20 million people. I'm...I"m...sorry.
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Frost: ...this interview needs to be about 12-hours long in order to get a movie deal, so could you please hold out just a LITTLE longer?

*explosion* *gunshots* *unintelligible Russian voices*

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Hitler: I'm afraid I'll have to be going. If the Russians catch me alive they'll yank off my testicles
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Frost: But...but where will you go? You CAN'T go...you're my hero!
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Hitler: But I MUST go, Mr. Frost. You're a real journalist now! You'll be interviewing megalomaniacs such as myself for many, many years! Now, I must go. The crew of my secret, ahead-of-its-time space station await my presence! And oh, tell them Ava and I killed ourselves. People believe ANYONE who has a British accent!
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Frost: *sniffle* Good-bye Hitler...Good-bye!

*rocket-engines ignite*

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Goodbye Hitler, goodbye...for now? *dun dun dunnn*

18 comments:

Julio said...

Nice job Julio! Making satire of Frost's deification of Richard Nixon by using Adolf Hitler is incredible! Also I enjoy how you made light of the fact that everyone already made up their minds that Nixon was guilty and the interviews brought about an unnecessary closer to an issue which was already closed (in addition to helping Nixon sell more books)! And how about making Hitler the leader of the dialog much like Nixon probably wrote the script for the Frost/Nixon interviews? And the silly picture switching is just HILARIOUS! I wish I could be YOU right at this moment in time!

Julio said...

...but Julio, you ARE me!

Julio said...

Excellent point, Julio. God DAMMIT I need to get some REAL friends instead of conversing with myself...sheesh!

~Static~ said...

LMAO! Uh...conversing with oneself? Interesting mental health developments there.

Try drinking a cup full of Hitler's vitality cocktail, which includes: 3 oz of Jew sweat, 1 oz of African male ball sweat, a dash of urine taken from underage Polish virgins, and 4 oz of methamphetamine salts. Should clear that up...in no time you'll be making speeches in public places with the fervor of der furor!

Characteristically, the sudden realization that you share similarities to your muses makes you different from, but similar to both the entity known as Hitler/Nixon/Cheney/Bush and also to the boot-licking, leprous, megalomaniacal Frost/Oprah/Katie/Squirrel/Shamwow attention whore machine. Welcome to the world of self-deprecation, finger-pointing, and humiliation.

However, were it not for the dizzying whiptail ambivalence of your golden words, I would never contemplate the duplicitous, bountiful, immoral ways of so many celebrity/world-leader narcissists in heat. Simply because Hitler was never called an asshole in such a resounding manner.

~Static~ said...

p.s. the first photo link is broken due to a violation of PB's terms of use..lulz! Just put in a picture of my butt. I'm sending it to you via email attachment now. =P

Julio said...

You can keep your poop pictures! However i do appreciate you pointing out my similarities with Hitler. Much like how Frost idolizes Nixon, I idololize Hitler. Check out my latest Netflix movie (seriously, you should watch this) The Great Dictator: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0032553/

Written in 1940. One year b4 Pearl harbor, 2 years b4 D-Day. A prophetic comedy masterpiece. Insane!

~Static~ said...

Yes, The Great Dictator was a true satirical comedy masterpiece..I am very familiar with Chaplin and his works.

Why you idolize Hitler is beyond me, unless you were just being sarcastic...or perhaps appear as a nut living on the edge of the lunatic fringe to enhance your "intarwib" appeal and street cred with the neo-nazi bulletin board community...HA! Imagine that a guy named Julio a white supremist. ??? =P

p.s. are ya sure you don't want any of my poop pictures? They're tasty!

Tricia said...

Wow, I am impressed with you wealth of knowledge and reading skills. Fantastic post!!!

Julio said...

Wow...no one has ever said that before...I don't know what to say, other than that you WIN the GRAND PRIZE for NEW-JULIO-FAN of the MONTH! Congratulations! Your prize: I will do my best to write a blog on whatever topic you choose. Except for NAMBLA. I have a strict no-child molestation policy here at Project Julio...except when I'm in India. hence the saying, "What happens in Mumbai STAYS in Mumbai...especially child-rape"! Oh India, How i love your lack of respect for human life...

~Static~ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
~Static~ said...

Yes, Julio, but how do you feel about human rights violations in other Asian nations such as China, or North Korea?

p.s. Tricia is just a blogger groupie. She can't be held accountable for her comments or behavior, when she has been entranced by your intoxicating words!

lulz!

Julio said...

Blogger groupie? I finally have a groupie...a HOT one atthat. Well, not that you aren't hot too, Static, withg all your electrifying erogenous zones and whatnot. In light of this new info, however, I bestow upon Static PROJECTJULIO FAN OF THE MONTH/YEAR/DECADE/LIFESPAN OF JOHN MCCAIN (circa 33 b.p. [before Palin])!!!!!!! your prize: GUEST WRITING POSITION AT PROJECTJULIO. Fuck you already have that...how about an artificially-flavored apple jollyrancher? You will receive yur prize in 7-10 business days. Or never, since the post office, a gov't run institution, is doomed to failure AND euthanasia!

~Static~ said...

@ Julio - lulzzzzz wut?!

Let me add that I am really looking forward to that JollyRancher (however, I prefer artificially-flavored peach candies...but I guess beggars can't be chosers)



p.s. I bet that isn't really Trisha's pic, like most Spammers/Bag Ladies/HoBloggers..they steal pics off of porno sites and make them into avatars that fool even the keenest of keen sensed persons, such as myself....uh...GODDAMMIT!! HOW DID I END UP WITH ANOTHER F***ING DIALER INFECTION ON MY COMPUTER THAT'S COSTING ME ANOTHER $600 ON MY PHONE BILL???!!!!!....dial up sucks.

Porn Dialer said...

*****dial up modem noise******

"If you'd like to make a call..please hang up and try your call again."

Anonymous said...

you are a fucking idiot

Julio said...

BINGO!

~Static~ said...

@ Anonymous - Wow, it's YOU again! You get around just like the clap..HOW do you do it?!

So to address your "brilliant" and "educated" comment(s)...do you mean that I/we/Julio are fucking idiot(s) in the sense that we are in the act of fucking an idiot (such as yourself or a relative of yours?)

Or perhaps do you mean that I/we/Julio are in fact just like you (a fucking idiot).. so stupid that we are below the normal or recognized standard for idiots that we are in fact - not JUST idiots; and not just STUPID idiots; and not just TOTAL idiots; but FUCKING idiots...the most contemptible order of idiots to grace this Earth???

Is that what you were trying to convey?

And if so...well then fuck you, fuck your dog, and fuck the horse you rode in on (when I say 'horse' I mean yo momma [who still touches you inappropriately 43 yrs after-the-fact] and when I say 'dog' I mean your inbred uncle for a daddy, bitch). K THX BYE!

Julio said...

I am Darwin. Static is Darwin. And we are each other's bull dog! Meaning...we bet on each other during illegal dog-fighting matches, where each of us is pit against a LIVE FIGHT-TRAINED PIT BULL! Suffice to say, we both bet against the other, being that it is humanly impossible to beat a wild dog in a fight (without weapons, that is). Anyway, the point is, don't fuck with us; we have the guts to fight live, 75 lb pit-bulls, knowing FULL WELL that we'll be mutilated. Come to think of it, that isn't even guts...that's bat-shit insanity! Much like our other business venture: fighting 5-year-olds. http://www.howmanyfiveyearoldscouldyoutakeinafight.com/

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