Figures of Speech inspired by hobos: Part II

See Figures of Speech as Inspired by Hobos: Part I

Today’s exploration of the “Figures of Speech” will make-up the content of a continuous story involving myself, a colony of hobos and quite possibly extra-terrestrial life. Therefore, read each sentence in sequence, as a story of TRIVIAL SIGNIFICANCE will be revealed!

• asyndeton: Omission of conjunctions between related clauses.

Julio Grumbles discovered a 1,000 year-old tent city which was built by hobos, for hobos, with hobos. That’s right; they used the older, weaker hobos as mortar, as brick, and as accent walls…
Little did Julio know that, upon his discovery, he would become such a resident, a resident of a land without homes…just tents. Tents made out of homeless people.

• classification (literature & grammar): linking a proper noun and a common noun with an article.

It all began, 1,000 years ago, when Frederique the blind hobo, Linda the deaf crack-whore and Upgreyedd the crippled pimp sat around a burning cauldron filled with animal feces.
Though these three street-dwellers had never met, this chance meeting, unbeknownst to them, would change the fate of the Earth, and of Project Julio, forever…

• chiasmus: The word order in one clause is inverted in the other (inverted parallelism).

Soon men of all classes and faiths came to visit their encampment. They looked with the blind hobo, listened with the deaf hobo, and with the crippled hobo, they danced.

• climax: The arrangement of words or sentences in order of increasing importance.

Soon, however, unemployment hit all three major cities surrounding the three wise-men, and what was just a humble camp turned into a town, and then into a city, then back into a camp, and finally, and most importantly, it became what it remains to this day: a city of hobos.

• consonance: The repetition of consonant sounds, most commonly within a short passage of verse.

The deranged ordeal started on a dark and desolate dirt-road when my 1987 Dodge-Durango ran out of diesel.

• ellipsis: Omission of words.

To make matters worse, my cell phone ran out of battery-life, as did my GPS, my HPS (hobo positioning system) and my butt-plug (travel edition ®).

• enallage: The substitution of forms that are grammatically different, but have the same meaning (e.g. isolated use of incorrect grammar; abrupt change in grammatical person; abrupt change in quantitative pronouns).

I was afraid, but determining, when I, Julio, finally exited the car. Then, out of the darknesses, a crafty hobo appeared to me in a flash of bright light! This hobo then shouts to a nearby broken street-lamp, “BOYS…I’VE DONE GOT US’S ANOTHER ONES!”

• enjambment: A breaking of a syntactic unit (a phrase, clause, or sentence) by the end of a line or between two (or more) verses.

Suddenly, I was surrounded by hobos, hobos
who began probing me with their warm,  throbbing rods
(that pierced my darkness with an eerie glow). These 
rods, I later learned, would be repeatedly inserted into
a bright, radioactive dust created by Nuclear-bomb
test which had taken place in the area during the War of 1812
reenactment which occurred sometime during the early 1960’s.

Just then, as Julio realized that he was about to be anally raped by a group of alien hobos wielding removable, glowing penises, something happened…a tiny glowing man, no more than 3 feet tall, walked up to Julio, took his hand, and in it he placed $3.50 in quarters. “E.T. Phone Home,” he said.

• enthymeme: Informal method of presenting a syllogism.

“What luck!,” I thought,  as I contemplated my fate. If a hobo, alien or not, gives someone else money, they MUST want something in return…so instead of being RAPED anally by alien hobos wielding removable glowing penises, I’m instead going to be PAID to have consensual anal sex with alien hobos wielding removable glowing penises. Fan-fucking-tabulous!

• epanalepsis: Repetition of the initial word or words of a clause or sentence at the end of the clause or sentence.

I should intervene and let my readers know that I’m okay and unharmed. My anus, luckily for me, and luckily for my anus, was spared that day. The name of the game was not “shove glowing rods into this guy’s anus.” The integrity of my anus, and all that my anal virginity represents to the integrity of my anus, remained intact.

• epistrophe: The repetition of the same word or group of words at the end of successive clauses. The counterpart of anaphora (also known as antistrophe).

Regardless, this was truly an “Encounter of the Third Kind,” where “the third kind” is defined as “anal rape” and “encounter” is defined as “being surrounded by hobo aliens” and “truly” is defined as “letters I wrote to my attorney in order strengthen my ‘psychological instability’ defense during my first murder trial.”

*Julio’s Note* To be continued…but don’t be homo(cidal)!!! In the next segment, the story continues as we discover what exactly the glowing midget meant when he said “E.T. Phone Home” and why exactly aliens would (or wouldn’t) live in an ancient, 2,000 year old hobo village!