25 Reasons Why Being Rich is Totally Awesome!

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This Not Your Airspace, Stupid Head

If China's new Air Defence Identification Zone was an Xbox Live match:

CHINA: MINE MINE MINE!
*China sets up missile turrets*
JAPAN: WTF dude!
USA: Not cool China, not cool.
RUSSIA: LOL
SWEDEN: IDK, NMP
*Sweden has left the game*
FRANCE: Fine you can have them! Just don't shoot!
*North Korea has joined the game*
NORTH KOREA: Yesssss! Suck it USA!
TAIWAN: China hacks!
CHINA: USA hacks more!
*EDWARD SNOWDEN has joined the game*
USA: SHIT! I G2GO!
*USA has left the game*
EDWARD SNOWDEN: LOL j/k this is Canada



"This our airspace too, pal!"


Editor's note: Thanks, @dangerbeau for making this lulz-worthy post possible.
image credit: The Daily Mail

One Size Fits All

I’m so postmodern I quote myself in conversations and say things like "Wow, multiculturalism has become so hegemonic!"


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Judge your wipe, asshole!

Analogy for the war in Iraq: Shit you didn't plan for

Doesn't anyone find it weird that we all casually look at our own shit? You wipe, wipe, and eventually you've got to check your progress. Has your ass been sufficiently de-shitted? There's only one way to know, and that's to look at your own shit.

Now, some of you must be thinking, "Hell no! I don't look at my own shit, you sick freak!" But yes, yes you do. How else do you know when you're done wiping, huh? You have some kind of shit-sense the rest of us don't know about? And lets just say you don't look. Then you likely have hobo-ass by now. That's right, I said "hobo-ass." That means that your ass is equivalent to that of a hobo, who I'm sure also doesn't look either because it is well-known that their ass contains a thick layer of unwipeable perma-shit. I hope you shower, asshole, because if you take a bath, you'll be sitting in a pool of your own shit-juice. You're the sick freak. Fucker.

You, after one of your shit-baths

Anyway, you ultimately have to look at the toilet paper, and sometimes you find out you've got less than .025 inches between your hand and a wet glob of shit. Likely, this shit is seeping through your thin sheet of paper and making contact with your skin. You've all had shit on your hands at some point. Don't think you're better than me. I looked at my shit 5 minutes before I wrote this, and it was beautiful.

That's right, I think shit is beautiful. You might as well. You're going to look at it an average of once a day, you might as well find the beauty in it. The varying textures, the diverse shades of brown (and the occasional green) and the inevitable smell that escapes your airtight ass-on-toilet seal which must be broken in order to judge the wipe. Was is an average wipe? A surprisingly clean wipe? Did you wipe too much and now your anus is bleeding? These are important questions that are all answered by simply examining your used toilet paper. You don't want ass-blood on your hands, do you?

Your ass if you don't judge your wipe!

A Cause that is as Sound as a Dollar So Long as You Continue to Bet On the Wrong Horse

What's that you ask? How is this possible? Well, first of all, the Guy Fawkes mask is licensed to Time Warner which holds rights to the film V for Vendetta, meaning that any merchandise tied to the film makes its way into the pockets of Time Warner: the world's second largest media outlet with major operations in film, television and publishing.

I can hear the sound of crickets echoing through a vast expanse of empty heads. Shall I explain it more simply for you? You are keeping a wealthy conglomerate in business with your purchase of these masks, thinking that you're supporting a cause when the reality is that you are working against yourselves.

How are you working against yourselves? I guess if I have to spell it out for you that's what I'll do.
Let's look at both your list of epic fail and examine Time Warner and all they stand for...

First, FYI: Time Warner Inc. owns almost every major media source on the planet. Time Warner's CEO and many other high level executives are members of the Council on Foreign Relations (list here).

Well, who the fuck are they? Meetings of the Council of Foreign Relations are held in secret outside the scrutiny of the public. The only way to become a member is through invitation only. Most influential politicians, academics and media personalities are members. They are a U.S. based nonprofit, nonpartisan membership organization and publisher, composed of Wall Street types, international bankers, executives of powerful foundations, members of various think-tanks and other tax exempt foundations. Gee, all of this sounds so very fascinating. Interested to learn more?

There are Ambassadors, past and present Presidents of the United States, and Secretaries of State. Other members include Lobbyists, Media Conglomerate Owners as well as University Presidents and Professors. even Federal and Supreme Court Judges and members of the Military from both NATO and the Pentagon.
The very identity of the establishment is vague, it can be defined by secrecy. Juicy, yeah?

What do they do? Started as the Royal Institute of International Affairs in England during the 1800's, the Council of Foreign Relations opened up shop here in America in 1921. It was almost entirely composed of people from J.P. Morgan interests. In 1927 the Council grew with funding coming from both the Rockefeller and Carnegie Foundations. Additional funding for the Council on Foreign Relations (CFR) came from such financial interests as Bernard Baruch, Jacob Schiff, Otto Kahn, and Paul Warburg -- the same folks that established the Federal Reserve System.

Today the funds to continue the Council of Foreign Relations is received by large corporations like Xerox, General Motors, Bristol-Meyers Squibb, Texaco. There are also other entities that finance the CFR as well as several trusts and funds like the German Marshall Fund, McKnight Foundation, Dillion Fund, Ford Foundation, Andrew W. Mellon Foundation, Rockefeller Brothers Fund, Starr Foundation, and the Pew Charitable Trusts. So it goes without saying that these folks have a long history of power and influence.

If one group is effectively in control of national governments and multinational corporations; promotes world government and influences foreign policies, as well as influencing public opinion through control of media, foundation grants, and education; and controls and guides the issues of the day; then CFR controls most options available. In summary, the CFR, and the financial powers behind it, have certainly done all these things. They can be considered the promotional arm of the ruling elite in the U.S. fisting every last fool willing to bend over and let them violate their widening balloon knot.

How often do you have to get fucked in the ass with no lube by corporate giant prick before you learn your lesson -- unless you like that or something? So just consider that for a moment.

With all that in mind, it should be clear that we are being fed specific news and messages to fit a specific agenda. In other words we're being systematically brainwashed. Since I'm outlining the obvious for you, don’t trust mainstream media sources, they only report what they want you to know. "Buy, consume, make us rich while you bury yourselves in debt, just take it in the pooper and like it."

Addressing the argument that V for Vendetta is a thinly veiled attack on the War on Terror, and it depicts religion and government as overrun by evil people who oppress and torture “innocent” people (not a far cry from the truth in some instances really), the film is also extremely dogmatic and brimming with sophism. It's like replacing one evil for another evil. Does murdering murderers or blowing things up necessarily solve things? That's not much more intelligent or enlightened than those bible-toting, bible-quoting idiots who shoot and blow people up at abortion clinics to protest the murders of  the unborn.

Similarly, you kill one murdering fanatic and another just replaces them. You gotta break a few eggs to make an omelet right? Violence begets violence and nothing more. And that's exactly what they want you to do. Those people want everyone to hate you. The war on terrorism will always shift targets so long as you are a willing participant. Shall I go on with this atrocious analogy?

How quaint and perfectly dystopian our world would be with more unending war piled atop more unending war. I believe that pointing out these logical fallacies was the original intention of both the graphic novel and the movie. But some of you fucking morons are too stupid to get it.

And even though the film was released by Time Warner, which takes some risks, there was already overwhelming disapproval of the GWB administration when this movie was released so it wasn't like that was all that shocking, V is still loosely based on the graphic novel. For both the movie and the book, the guilt is not laid on government so much as it is the public, for "knowing something is wrong with this country" and sitting on the couch doing nothing.

Also Alan Moore distanced himself from the film, without having seen it. He asked for his name to be removed from all promotional materials, because he had no involvement in writing the script or advising director James McTeigue. The film alters the plot and involves the public, inspiring a revolution whereas Moore's V never goes so far. It, instead, focuses on V's attempts to inspire one person to carry on his legacy, with the implication that if he can inspire one, his ideals can inspire a nation. Even the finale is far distanced from the book.

In other words, the Guy Fawkes that is depicted in both the movie and the book is a FICTIONAL CHARACTER and a FICTIONAL ACCOUNT -- kind of like, oh, I dunno kind of like JESUS? You might as all well be wearing Star Wars costumes and picketing at Star Trek conventions. Some of you are rebels without a clue.

Beyond the political or social ramifications of the film it also does not account for Time Warner's own history of hypocrisy, which is the real point to be made here.

Time Warner Cable has a slew of complaints against it (there's plenty more than that if you just Google it). Do you really want to support a corporation that doesn't value it's customers? Or would you prefer to continue using your script kiddie powers to interrupt web service here and there, and take down small time websites under the false impression that you are "making a difference"? Feel free to try and take ours down if you think that the opinions expressed here don't jive with your ideals, fuckwits.

Additionally, speaking of the web, since Time Warner merged with AOL they also control a vast amount of the internet. Time Warner was one of three of the largest internet providers who proposed shutting down or placing monthly limits on their user's online activity, thereby throwing us all back to the dark ages of telephones and postage stamps.

Limiting the use of the internet is an economic and freedom issue, and if Anonymous stands for anything it stands up for net neutrality, the right of the people to have access to the internet and the sharing of information. Anonymous knows that monopolies, cable and telcos, are not our friends. They are here to make a profit and control what we know. And if you don't know that by now then you're either living in a cave or you haven't quite evolved yet. But I repeat myself, Oh, redundant ones.

So why support Time Warner with every V for Vendetta Guy Fawkes mask purchased? You can try stealing them, but good luck when you get caught and your anonymity is even more compromised when you enter the criminal justice system. I am not against Anonymous, nor do I stand behind everything they do. I just think that their methodology needs tweaking. Any cause needs lobbyists and representatives who can bring about real change. Somewhere out there are a few people with some brains and less fanatical ideologies. Hopefully. But I have my doubts as 90% of the population appears to be mentally ill, or stupid, or both.

To those individuals that are capable, provided with this information and using sound reasoning and logic, here is my thinking -- if you really need or want to wear a disguise (which I entirely relate to), instead of purchasing a Guy Fawkes mask, I suggest you march down to the nearest Mom and Pop shop, show your support for the backbone of America and purchase a nondescript no label ski mask from them. In essence you will be thumbing your nose at giant corporations and your dollars go to a good cause, putting a small business owner ahead with real cash flow.

If ski masks are good enough for bank robbers, muggers, rapists, and the occasional terrorist organization, or the clandestine operations of our own CIA or military, then they are good enough for you.

If you want to be more creative you can always buy one of these on Etsy.

Don't ask me for the link to this shit. I can't be bothered taking you by the fucking hand.

Take your pick. There's more than one to choose from. There's even this one which is a little closer to looking like the REAL Guy Fawkes who had a full beard, not that pansy-ass arty hipster Hollyweird moustache and sour patch across the chin like some kind of half-assed stellar achievement of manhood inspired by a drunken Dirty Sanchez attempt. Spare me the goddamned faggotry.

A Portrait of the Real Guy Fawkes

A Portrait of  a Wannabe Guy Fawkes

Plus a ski mask doesn't get crushed, melt, or crack when dropped or sat upon, and it also has no elastic headband that can snap thereby rendering the mask useless. The only thing that can destroy a ski mask is fire, hydrochloric acid, and loss through theft. 

But don't take my word for it, if you really want to be uniform and homogenous I suggest you all pick the same one. To hell with individuality or being unique! After all you are mocking an establishment of drones, right?

Oh, fuck it. I've inflicted enough butthurt for one day.
  
Shh. Just go back to sleep.

7.017 Billion Monkeys Can't Stop The Bloodshed

What kind of world do we live in where a 25-year-old Liberian refugee in the Marine Corps is killed in action in Afghanistan fighting for an elitist unsustainable American cause?

What kind of world do we live in where BLOOD is an EQUAL exchange for OIL?

What kind of world do we live in where being heroic (being made a man out of - or having a dream) involves killing or being killed?

What kind of world do we live in where life is not honored, and DEATH is glorified over recognition for LIVING A FULL LIFE and giving unto others as opposed to being taken away and never having the chance to do better?

What kind of a world do we live in that allows a man to die for these stupid reasons without saying goodbye to his wife and 18-month-old baby?

What kind of a world do we live in that we can just ignore these facts?

Does that seem like a fair and reasonable trade-off to you?

If so, then there is something REALLY fucking wrong with you.

Source: personal experience and THIS::



"Our real enemies are not those living in a distant land whose names or policies we don't understand; The real enemy is a system that wages war when it's profitable, the CEOs who lay us off our jobs when it's profitable, the Insurance Companies who deny us Health care when it's profitable, the Banks who take away our homes when it's profitable. Our enemies are not several hundred thousand miles away. They are right here in front of us." - Mike Prysner

And THIS:



"Our founding fathers told us, George Carlin and Bill Hicks told us, Presidents have told us, Generals have told us, and we're telling you. Wake Up." -- Occupy Marine Corps

Please Support the Veterans at: http://www.ivaw.org/ Also visit www.antiwar.com

The name of the track used is Boards of Canada -Davyan Cowboy Speech Transcript: http://dotsub.com/view/749fb533-dad3-4105-a56e-565e3f6d0972/viewTranscript/eng

Watch with Spanish sub titles Asombroso discurso de un Veterano SUBTITULADO ESPAÑOL DISCURSO DE MIKE PRYSNER indicando quienes son el enemigo verdadero de su pais. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kWU-JHetMM

Semper Fi, brothers and sisters.

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5,000,000,000,000 Monkeys Couldn't Fix Massachusett's Public School Phys Ed Program

Hey, everybody. What do you get when you cross a monkey with a school board official? I don't know, but I bet it smells like a sack of primate shit.

School bake sales are now being banned in Massachusetts, by the same geniuses that proposed physical education cutbacks due to budget crunches. Most districts scaled back or eliminated their phys ed programs amidst a "public health crisis" of obese and overweight children in Mass. public schools. So the logical decision of course is to eliminate food bake sales where those fat kids could really clean up.

Because, you know, it's not like they're partly getting overweight from a lack of physical activity or anything... :|

Oh, I know! Why not CUT the school lunch program too?

And while you're at it, you MAss-holes should take a note from Newt Gingrich's book and make those thickset lazy students do janitorial work at their schools; scrubbing floors with a toothbrush and scraping vomit off the bathroom ceilings. It will help burn off some of the whalelike blubber you morons helped to distribute.

You might as well install a Nike factory in the school too and turn the fucking place into a sweat shop -- you can make the kids work off the district's taxes in "sweat equity" thereby releasing the parents of any obligation to your "budgets," you silly fucks.

Yeah, I know. And we're the ones who are crazy. :)

Julio's Note: Here's a video of a lecture by a brilliant education policy maker who describes this idea in more detail




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500 Trained Monkeys Couldn't Fix Google's Internal Server Error

So, I'm just surfing YouTube videos the other day, looking for some new Japanese lesbians kissing / Pokemon / animal porn when all of a sudden the damn thing stops working and I get this error.

500 Internal Server Error

Sorry, something went wrong.

A team of highly trained monkeys has been dispatched to deal with this situation.
If you see them, show them this information:

EqrKKOQYsCU5MvDU607WRNRkHwiIW7cXU34MJLtg1dkntxDb5AUr24TeX55g
CSZWkEY3Nfr9qZ5NsyGSYBXJ2SFsbY8zkjxB0STGPlvasCjKauNCTISmDbsx
5DQmcZb60bGDo4JMza8dNSvawqBvUSc7bts1qj824CrJfq16ZPFv6Xgo7ikS
1VKKTTB_g9dWZ9NODAK5mZoumPyj0MOdjT1q8NV0Z4W_klIRD8oXHjPysUKC
OgCL6TjI3qdIQMsWEGZt11Nam1tfgiKovVH1JFjwjvtlVSMtwGDw_KemkdqT
zDaEZBAZpPkZ79O7m8iXv7qrPNzT_9DddC-046TmMwk3Pnaba07FQJuRzpve
xfgAzTypNYVOVGJDD7UARO_oM16tiJ-RLrSXN9fmetnEmo6_MrMqSoyc7sB7
LbL_Uld37X3GjR5IWUaKU36GCSAebHxwkuWD-_Jo9qCKQn7DoOTdJAmM0b2D
xwbrvAtRkNfisoSDhRctRdRqe6i61A5jt5kCZTWxOHsYFB4yZNn1WCz9saYN
JXZfDkEzJ3nlKH4VnhkrWzXj1oqUW7OhsIYjlmOQQCVr2G-C78Z0NUi_GA-e
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7jdOq6FvBGJIA3AvCgdM_4bW-R7LEqoPcsTyN2JOFJIZDVv99f1LvEbisfNd
MZjkSLCnijfSpcRlqKFUU5NqTKpeeJkHs4_E5dhRHr25zSQxLivU-nN-MnAC
lnQaHUDPeReJuR_YscisXphuO9isNx1GsmQSf-WdYnT4_0fiQwV__pPHfclU
ymZ_cq053yP_d0qz4kIdA9I2y-_vPPlmvYlW6U5Zr2eKcpMB9TCjLzCa4mpN
Mj-gCOfSpL0h_O0KCJA-Sf-J9ZeO-2Nph9mI-WISq8cpwEu_oygCU6MHP5rw
PBcftQdjwcpam9MDN1n2Gw1D9ENYpIic-9dHjlGH3Jqc1ElUpyNIDqQQNBii
bq8f7NlLj8UxNMDopp-sGiMEbPQUwbmX2xOKCyBqCNj1mNMz8SoQ0P0PGUKx
i9PPIXBvj7W_FkDPO9dZq9JS7uEZ7Rc3TIAVs82w8ieT28OYZQkUFZyt_ldB
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i9bFLtiK8DDFInMnncUWsbDHdBAFSgpTrH9Tgbq_K4-OqTYsAGNHaJBVdc6p
3UU5QTJ1LI3TLVFBYIyX7UfDZ2c-z4VkPcGoG5J-H-d2P9hFvwdWO6-G9pkl
k-v55sc9qdG23ycvoxkjr4Ey7Ry_ZyuHe756S3NwN9-NlUhThZCizdByl6XR
dd7yyJWJMGQmeRlSZ3NbOeOa7GL3-mtxSMsGL2chHxRsE27hWFmT06RSWiCi
eqehZ1vxlrc=

? ? ? ? ? ? ?
WTF!? Um...okay. Goddammit. Thanks a million, Google!

It appears that this is a simple case of sodomy.

I was in deep Google...or perhaps Google was deep in me. Not enjoyable either way. Google done surprised me with teh buttsecks!

Have YOU seen Google's "highly trained" monkeys? I don't know about you, but I don't think that there was any training involved.

It might just take a team of highly trained monkeys to decipher that clusterfuck of an error code. But I think we're gonna need more monkeys. Next!




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