25 Reasons Why Being Rich is Totally Awesome!

Post by We Are The One Percent - A Parody Page.

One Size Fits All

I’m so postmodern I quote myself in conversations and say things like "Wow, multiculturalism has become so hegemonic!"


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ADOPT MY PUPPIES ... BAD WEATHER HERE

GOOD DAY,

HOW ARE YOU DOING ? HOPE FINE.

MY NAME IS REV.BARRY GLITHER, I, MY WIFE AND 3 KIDS ARE ON A CHRISTIAN MISSION IN AFRICA.

WE HAVE SPENT BARELY ONE WEEK HERE.WE CAME ALONG WITH MY 2 YORKSHIRE TERRIER BABIES. (BOTH ARE FEW WEEKS OLD), AFTER A WHILE WE NOTICED THAT
THE AFRICAN WEATHER IS NOT GOOD FOR THEIR HEALTH AND I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO TAKE GOOD CARE OF THEM THE WAY I ALWAYS DO BECAUSE OF MY JOB.

THEY ARE AKC HOME RAISED, HOUSE AND POTTY TRAINED, VACINES & HEALTH GUARANTEE. I NEED SOMEONE TO ADOPT BOTH AND TAKE CARE OF THEM THE WAY I ALWAYS DO.

IF YOU CAN TAKE GOOD CARE OF THEM, DO SEND A REPLY AND I WILL EMAIL YOU WITH MORE INFO.

P/S: PROVIDE A CONTACT PHONE NUMBER FOR FURTHER COMMUNICATION.

I HOPE TO READ FROM YOU.

GOD BLESS YOU.

REV. BARRY GLITHER
barryglither@xxxxxx.xxx.xx

___________________________________________________________

Dear Barry,


We would be happy to take dog off hands. We love puppies, they are so tender and tasty at a young age. We promise to play with them and give them a happy life. We send you money now. Please send us your puppies as soon as possible.


Thank you,

Chang Shiu Chuik
#1xx-xxxx-xxxx

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Chick-fil-A Reconsiders Stance on Gay-Marriage

Despite a single record-setting day in sales on 'Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day', Chick-fil-A has recently announced it's decision to reconsider gay marriage. As a way to celebrate it's acceptance of sexual orientation diversity the fast food restaurant chain is promoting their newest incarnation the "Gay Chicken Sandwich" for a limited time.

Chick-fil-A spokesperson, Dick "Butch" Buttkiss (not related to the former NFL player and all around celebrity), stated that the sandwiches are made from 100% gay chickens. "As a sign of solidarity with the gay and lesbian community, Chick-fil-A is offering this new product in the hopes of showing how sorry we are for offending those individuals. Chick-fil-A has also agreed to stop funding antigay groups. We are also proud to say that Chick-fil-A is for any union that makes people happy, even if it means the joining of man and chicken."

"Honestly, we here at Chick-fil-A hope that gays and lesbians will reconsider their boycott on Chick-fil-A and become our customers once again. Frankly, our sales have plummeted since 'Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day' so we created a new campaign, 'Gay Chicken Appreciation Day'."

When questioned about the authenticity of the Gay Chicken Sandwich being made from gay chickens, Buttkiss had this to say, "We have ensured through a two-step process that the chickens harvested for this new sandwich ARE indeed gay. The first step is watching HOW the chicken (or rooster) interacts with other members of it's own species -- do they have a natural attraction to same-sex members and so forth. Secondly, we lock them in a cage together with a same-sex member of it's own species for an extended period of time and then they are forced to fornicate with one another during their traditional mating season. This is how we know these chickens have gone gay."

When told that this was absolutely ridiculous reasoning, Buttkiss responded, "Look, as part of this promotion we are also including a limited time offering of same-sex sexual intercourse with ANY one of our employees at any Chick-fil-A restaurant location. Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee has even offered to give blowjobs and/or rimjobs to the first 1,000 customers. If that doesn't show Chick-fil-A's support of the gay and lesbian community then I don't know what does."

Buttkiss continued, "Hey, I bet you didn't know Elvis called us from the moon and said that HE'S gay and he loves our Gay Chicken Sandwich. He claims it's how he keeps his girlish figure."

Celebrity Endorsement Alert!

"The Colonel's secret recipe doesn't even taste this good." - Elvis

"Hurry down! This offer ends when the aliens come to destroy our planet on December 21st this year," Buttkiss added.



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Offensive Portrayal of Muhammad! A "Must See" for Angry Muslims!

If you read this blog, you know that I have a deep-seated desire to cause outrage and violence across the Muslim world by portraying the Prophet Muhammad in various inappropriate circumstances. Given the rise in popularity of such acts, I have decided to showcase Project Julio's most memorable, sacrilegious portrayals of the Prophet Muhammad (now in COLOR)!

First off, is a Project Julio classic of the Prophet Muhammad stealing an expensive book by sneakily placing it within his robes:

If a prophet steals a book in the woods...
                                             

And how could we forget this one of the Prophet Muhammad transforming a woman into a horse and then conjuring flaming demons to force alcohol down the throats of hobos!

Is it hot in here, or is it just that we're all engulfed in flames?

And finally, here's the Prophet Muhammad after eating a very spicy chili pepper!

This pepper is HOTTER THAN A GIRAFFE IN HEAT! Keyoooow!

A Cause that is as Sound as a Dollar So Long as You Continue to Bet On the Wrong Horse

What's that you ask? How is this possible? Well, first of all, the Guy Fawkes mask is licensed to Time Warner which holds rights to the film V for Vendetta, meaning that any merchandise tied to the film makes its way into the pockets of Time Warner: the world's second largest media outlet with major operations in film, television and publishing.

I can hear the sound of crickets echoing through a vast expanse of empty heads. Shall I explain it more simply for you? You are keeping a wealthy conglomerate in business with your purchase of these masks, thinking that you're supporting a cause when the reality is that you are working against yourselves.

How are you working against yourselves? I guess if I have to spell it out for you that's what I'll do.
Let's look at both your list of epic fail and examine Time Warner and all they stand for...

First, FYI: Time Warner Inc. owns almost every major media source on the planet. Time Warner's CEO and many other high level executives are members of the Council on Foreign Relations (list here).

Well, who the fuck are they? Meetings of the Council of Foreign Relations are held in secret outside the scrutiny of the public. The only way to become a member is through invitation only. Most influential politicians, academics and media personalities are members. They are a U.S. based nonprofit, nonpartisan membership organization and publisher, composed of Wall Street types, international bankers, executives of powerful foundations, members of various think-tanks and other tax exempt foundations. Gee, all of this sounds so very fascinating. Interested to learn more?

There are Ambassadors, past and present Presidents of the United States, and Secretaries of State. Other members include Lobbyists, Media Conglomerate Owners as well as University Presidents and Professors. even Federal and Supreme Court Judges and members of the Military from both NATO and the Pentagon.
The very identity of the establishment is vague, it can be defined by secrecy. Juicy, yeah?

What do they do? Started as the Royal Institute of International Affairs in England during the 1800's, the Council of Foreign Relations opened up shop here in America in 1921. It was almost entirely composed of people from J.P. Morgan interests. In 1927 the Council grew with funding coming from both the Rockefeller and Carnegie Foundations. Additional funding for the Council on Foreign Relations (CFR) came from such financial interests as Bernard Baruch, Jacob Schiff, Otto Kahn, and Paul Warburg -- the same folks that established the Federal Reserve System.

Today the funds to continue the Council of Foreign Relations is received by large corporations like Xerox, General Motors, Bristol-Meyers Squibb, Texaco. There are also other entities that finance the CFR as well as several trusts and funds like the German Marshall Fund, McKnight Foundation, Dillion Fund, Ford Foundation, Andrew W. Mellon Foundation, Rockefeller Brothers Fund, Starr Foundation, and the Pew Charitable Trusts. So it goes without saying that these folks have a long history of power and influence.

If one group is effectively in control of national governments and multinational corporations; promotes world government and influences foreign policies, as well as influencing public opinion through control of media, foundation grants, and education; and controls and guides the issues of the day; then CFR controls most options available. In summary, the CFR, and the financial powers behind it, have certainly done all these things. They can be considered the promotional arm of the ruling elite in the U.S. fisting every last fool willing to bend over and let them violate their widening balloon knot.

How often do you have to get fucked in the ass with no lube by corporate giant prick before you learn your lesson -- unless you like that or something? So just consider that for a moment.

With all that in mind, it should be clear that we are being fed specific news and messages to fit a specific agenda. In other words we're being systematically brainwashed. Since I'm outlining the obvious for you, don’t trust mainstream media sources, they only report what they want you to know. "Buy, consume, make us rich while you bury yourselves in debt, just take it in the pooper and like it."

Addressing the argument that V for Vendetta is a thinly veiled attack on the War on Terror, and it depicts religion and government as overrun by evil people who oppress and torture “innocent” people (not a far cry from the truth in some instances really), the film is also extremely dogmatic and brimming with sophism. It's like replacing one evil for another evil. Does murdering murderers or blowing things up necessarily solve things? That's not much more intelligent or enlightened than those bible-toting, bible-quoting idiots who shoot and blow people up at abortion clinics to protest the murders of  the unborn.

Similarly, you kill one murdering fanatic and another just replaces them. You gotta break a few eggs to make an omelet right? Violence begets violence and nothing more. And that's exactly what they want you to do. Those people want everyone to hate you. The war on terrorism will always shift targets so long as you are a willing participant. Shall I go on with this atrocious analogy?

How quaint and perfectly dystopian our world would be with more unending war piled atop more unending war. I believe that pointing out these logical fallacies was the original intention of both the graphic novel and the movie. But some of you fucking morons are too stupid to get it.

And even though the film was released by Time Warner, which takes some risks, there was already overwhelming disapproval of the GWB administration when this movie was released so it wasn't like that was all that shocking, V is still loosely based on the graphic novel. For both the movie and the book, the guilt is not laid on government so much as it is the public, for "knowing something is wrong with this country" and sitting on the couch doing nothing.

Also Alan Moore distanced himself from the film, without having seen it. He asked for his name to be removed from all promotional materials, because he had no involvement in writing the script or advising director James McTeigue. The film alters the plot and involves the public, inspiring a revolution whereas Moore's V never goes so far. It, instead, focuses on V's attempts to inspire one person to carry on his legacy, with the implication that if he can inspire one, his ideals can inspire a nation. Even the finale is far distanced from the book.

In other words, the Guy Fawkes that is depicted in both the movie and the book is a FICTIONAL CHARACTER and a FICTIONAL ACCOUNT -- kind of like, oh, I dunno kind of like JESUS? You might as all well be wearing Star Wars costumes and picketing at Star Trek conventions. Some of you are rebels without a clue.

Beyond the political or social ramifications of the film it also does not account for Time Warner's own history of hypocrisy, which is the real point to be made here.

Time Warner Cable has a slew of complaints against it (there's plenty more than that if you just Google it). Do you really want to support a corporation that doesn't value it's customers? Or would you prefer to continue using your script kiddie powers to interrupt web service here and there, and take down small time websites under the false impression that you are "making a difference"? Feel free to try and take ours down if you think that the opinions expressed here don't jive with your ideals, fuckwits.

Additionally, speaking of the web, since Time Warner merged with AOL they also control a vast amount of the internet. Time Warner was one of three of the largest internet providers who proposed shutting down or placing monthly limits on their user's online activity, thereby throwing us all back to the dark ages of telephones and postage stamps.

Limiting the use of the internet is an economic and freedom issue, and if Anonymous stands for anything it stands up for net neutrality, the right of the people to have access to the internet and the sharing of information. Anonymous knows that monopolies, cable and telcos, are not our friends. They are here to make a profit and control what we know. And if you don't know that by now then you're either living in a cave or you haven't quite evolved yet. But I repeat myself, Oh, redundant ones.

So why support Time Warner with every V for Vendetta Guy Fawkes mask purchased? You can try stealing them, but good luck when you get caught and your anonymity is even more compromised when you enter the criminal justice system. I am not against Anonymous, nor do I stand behind everything they do. I just think that their methodology needs tweaking. Any cause needs lobbyists and representatives who can bring about real change. Somewhere out there are a few people with some brains and less fanatical ideologies. Hopefully. But I have my doubts as 90% of the population appears to be mentally ill, or stupid, or both.

To those individuals that are capable, provided with this information and using sound reasoning and logic, here is my thinking -- if you really need or want to wear a disguise (which I entirely relate to), instead of purchasing a Guy Fawkes mask, I suggest you march down to the nearest Mom and Pop shop, show your support for the backbone of America and purchase a nondescript no label ski mask from them. In essence you will be thumbing your nose at giant corporations and your dollars go to a good cause, putting a small business owner ahead with real cash flow.

If ski masks are good enough for bank robbers, muggers, rapists, and the occasional terrorist organization, or the clandestine operations of our own CIA or military, then they are good enough for you.

If you want to be more creative you can always buy one of these on Etsy.

Don't ask me for the link to this shit. I can't be bothered taking you by the fucking hand.

Take your pick. There's more than one to choose from. There's even this one which is a little closer to looking like the REAL Guy Fawkes who had a full beard, not that pansy-ass arty hipster Hollyweird moustache and sour patch across the chin like some kind of half-assed stellar achievement of manhood inspired by a drunken Dirty Sanchez attempt. Spare me the goddamned faggotry.

A Portrait of the Real Guy Fawkes

A Portrait of  a Wannabe Guy Fawkes

Plus a ski mask doesn't get crushed, melt, or crack when dropped or sat upon, and it also has no elastic headband that can snap thereby rendering the mask useless. The only thing that can destroy a ski mask is fire, hydrochloric acid, and loss through theft. 

But don't take my word for it, if you really want to be uniform and homogenous I suggest you all pick the same one. To hell with individuality or being unique! After all you are mocking an establishment of drones, right?

Oh, fuck it. I've inflicted enough butthurt for one day.
  
Shh. Just go back to sleep.

"Adventure Time" on Cartoon Network is Secretly For Adults

On the outside, this innocent-looking show seems perfect for your average 6-year-old. But a closer look reveals some very disturbing adult-themed material.

However, don't assume this is a bad thing. In fact, such disturbing humor hidden within children's television will actually benefit your child's creativity by exposing them to high-quality humor that they can carry with them into adulthood.

Thank you, Cartoon Network, for helping my son to stop making stupid, awful jokes.

iHobo

It has recently come to our attention that there has become a new addition to the list of movies about hobos. The Soloist, starring Jamie Foxx as the hobo, and Robert Downey Jr. as someone with a house who inexplicably doesn’t have sex with hobos. I can’t tell you anymore about this film other than that it is filled almost entirely with crazy, and mostly drug-addicted, hobos...with iPhones. I hope they didn't forget to add the iHobo app! Learn what it's like to live like a virtual hobo. You know, because it's not like actually doing it.

The Pat Robertson Bullshit Generator: Just blame it on the Liberals

Pat Robertson: The Man


As we all know, ever since God accidentally created Pat Robertson from a mutated fragment of Hitler's DNA, Liberals have been a bigger scapegoat for all society's woes than the Jews, 9/11 and violent video-games put together. But this idea is anything but original, as this Conservative axiom of "Just blame it on the Liberals" has gone unchanged throughout human history. Whether it be when the Liberal Jews decided to follow Jesus, thereby forcing the Conservative Jews to kill him in order to "conserve" their corrupt power structure. Or when the Liberal Jews in 1930's Germany decided to own successful businesses, thereby forcing the Conservative White Anglo-Saxon Protestants to "conserve" their awful business philosophies by committing genocide. Or when the Liberals of the USA promoted gay rights, thereby forcing God to arrange 70 virgins for each of the 9/11 hijackers. Or when the Western Liberals of the late 1800's ended the slave trade, thereby creating a pact with the devil, thereby causing the Haitian revolution, thereby forcing Satan to cause the 7.0 magnitude Earthquake that killed over 150,000 Haitian civilians.

You see, in Pat Robertson's world, and the ignorant wackjobs who provide him with a forum to create that world, the Liberals are to blame for all the world's problems. It is the conservatives, rather, who solve those problems by doing nothing. For you see, nothing can really be a problem if you resign yourself to hopelessness and decide that all problems are unsolvable.

Pat Robertson: The Bullshit


Bullshit was invented by "Dr." (Ph.D in Bullshit) Pat Robertson, circa 33 B.C. (or as the ATHEISTS/LIBERALS say, B.C.E.). The height of this achievement, however, did not occur until early 2010, when Pat "horse manure" Robertson stated as fact that Haiti was "cursed" after a "pact with the devil." Unfortunately for Mr. Robertson, this is somewhat based in fact, but not in the way that he thinks. You see, the myth of the Haitian pact with the devil was originally crafted by the Haitians themselves, and used as a weapon against their enslavers. During the Haitian revolution, Haitian general (a black general...IMPOSSIBLE!) Toussaint L'Ouverture used the ignorant superstitions of the Europeans (regarding African black-magic) as a weapon against Haiti's oppressors.

You see, Toussaint used an especially painful poison to assassinate enemy generals and afterwards openly claimed to have been using "black magic" to cause those deaths. The fear spread by these superstitions aided in reducing the morale of French troops. This increase in fear led to frequent retreats by French forces during battle, and also reduced French support for the war effort. You see, Mr. Robertson is not CRAZY...no, it is the cunning intellect of 17th century Haitians that serves to prove that Pat Robertson is STUPID. He's an ignorant, superstitious egomaniac, much like the French slave owners in Haiti over 200 years ago. Pat Robertson is just the kind of racist idiot that the "black magic" myth was intended to fool.


Pat Robertson: Just Blame it on the Liberals


Recently revealed on krapsody.com is a list of persons, places and things that Pat Robertson attributes to "Acts of God." Below, we here at Project Julio will provide a list of person's, places and things that Pat Robertson attributes to "Acts of Liberals." Oh, and if you're looking instead for a "Pat Robertson Bullshit Generator," just follow this simple formula: "Problem X" is/was caused by "Liberal Group Y" because of "Liberal Action Z". Example: 9/11 (x) was caused by Homosexuals (y) because of Double-fisted anal/penile penetration (z)

Project Julio Presents: The Official 2010 Pat Robertson "Acts of Liberals":

*The Making, and epic failure of, Kevin Costner's film "Waterworld"
*Itchy Wool Sweaters
*9/11: see above example for details
*Kevin Costner
*The hole in the Ozone Layer: because liberals starved the Ozone Layer of its precious CFC's.
*Oxycontin: the only drug that could have tainted the otherwise perfect Rush Limbaugh
*Earthquake in Haiti: due to the terrible events known as the "Abolition of Slavery"
* Pedophilia: the only affliction that could have tainted the otherwise perfect Republican Congressman Mark Foley
*The Civil Rights act of 1964: "since when did MONKEY'S have the right to vote?!"
*Hurricane Katrina: again, double-fisted anal/penile penetration is responsible
*Reality: for having an "inherently liberal bias" - Stephen Colbert
and finally...
*The View: double-fisted anal/penile penetration...AGAIN