"...and a little more here, a tad there aaaand I'm done. Let this be a reminder
to all of you whom...make and sell t-shirts of my name in vain...without
first consulting my lawyer. He can be reached at 555-..."
1. Not all religious people lack a sense of humor and 2. To those that DO lack a sense of humor, I would not advise reading the rest of the article. In fact, I would not advise reading the ABOVE part of this article...in fact, even reading this very SENTENCE is not recommended, as side effects include: nasal sodomy; ingrown eyeballs; unexplained testicular grown; urge to purchase the entire box set of "House."
Now that I've mentioned his fundraiser, AGAIN, shouldn't I logically be entitled to TWO backlinks? Or maybe one backlink that's like, twice the size of the other ones?! Or four backlinks that are HALF the size of the rest...ah well, I'll leave that decision between you and your maker (i.e. your mom and who you generally assume to be your dad). Anyway, I shall now continue my tirade against fundamentalist Christians who read the bible literally by conducting a further tirade against them as well as a tirade against pretty much every religion ever --- And yes, I'm including every religious belief, from Greek mythology (e.g. Zeus and the mountain where all the gods engage in incestual/homosexual sex and every dude seemed to give birth to extremely hot goddesses...and then have sex with them immediately thereafter) to Christiani--- (oh, we covered that one already...), to Hinduism (yes, fecal fetishes, 1,000 + sexual positions, etc.), and even Egyptian mythology (you know, mummification, burying yourself with not only all your possessions but also your living servants...[p4]). You know, all the "CRAZY" religions...
Its perfectly logical, you see. Jesus was homeless, so it only makes sense
for Santa to be homeless too! "Hobo Santa, I want a new bicycl---I mean,
uhm, some soup. Yea, I'd like some soup...damnit, here's 20 bucks. And
don't tell your friends the freeloading elves or that thieving reindeer
with the glowing nose."
If only Santa had four arms...but I digress. You see, there is a reason why SOME sects of Christianity (mostly ones which read it literally) are infinitely bizzare and insane, and therefore hilarious. Here are just a few of them, just in time for the holidays:
This day is recognized as the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ (and to show that Christians aren't just a bunch of depressed emo sissies, they celebrate his death too! Any time is a good time for a party, I guess...even BRUTAL TORTURE! Hoooraay for torture!!!). You see, he was born to a virgin mother, and if that sounds contradictory, that's because it is. Opponents might say that she was impregnated by God himself (the literal interpretation) yet, the logical conclusion from that involves God participating in hot, young virgin action with (if I read the book correctly) his own mother, Mary (if Jesus is God...and God is God..and the Holy Spirit is...uhm...Patrick Swayze?).
Editor's note: It seems that this blog is getting a little long, so instead I shall continue it next time with: Why (some) Christians are completely insane, Part I(1) I/II(and 1/2) and so on and so forth until a complete volume has been amassed, but that surely will not be the end of it. So...until next time!